Men on the Path to Love Podcast S2 Ep19 How Divorce Can Make You a Better Man in Relationship
Hi, and welcome to the Men on the Path to Love podcast, the How Divorce Can Make You a Better Man in Relationship, episode. I’m Bill Simpson your host, I coach men who are struggling in relationship how to communicate effectively, build trust and deepen intimacy, so they can be the best version of themselves in relationship, and live the life they love!
So you may be wondering, how in the Hell can divorce make you a better man. And by all means, I’m not advocating that you get a divorce to make yourself a better man. Now, I can say that I became a better man after going through divorce. And that’s the point I’m trying to make.
I think of Dan’s story. Dan (not his real name) was a man who was set in his ways. He prided himself on his firm commitment to being true to himself, even if it meant resisting change. Throughout his life, Dan had received feedback from his family, friends partners about his stubbornness, how he refused to compromise. His mother said it was his Taurus nature. Dan dismissed it all and would shrugged it off and say, “I am who I am,” totally convinced that he didn't need to change for anyone.
Dan was no different when it came to his relationships. Most of his them didn’t last very long. Then one day, he met Dana (not her real name) and fell for her hard. Dana loved Dan deeply and eventually they got married. Over time their marriage became filled with challenges. Dana would plead with Dan to consider her perspective, you know, to meet her halfway, but he would dig his heals in and stay stuck in his ways.
He was no dummy. He knew that his marriage was on shaky ground but he wasn’t going to change and divorce was not an option for him, having witnessed the painful divorce his parents went through. He thought he could make it work, even if it meant keeping his stubborn attitude.
Well, life had other plans for Dan. Dana had gotten feed up pleading with him only to be met with his stubbornness. She filed for divorce. It was a devastating blow for Dan, crushing his belief that marriage should last a lifetime. He fought tooth and nail, and it turned out to be a real nasty divorce. It costed him a lot of money. He was full of anger and resentment. His whole world was turned upside down. He didn’t get his way.
Feeling all alone in the world, Dan was forced to confront his own shortcomings. He made a difficult and pivotal decision: he decided to get help. He found a therapist he really connected with. He began to unravel the layers of his stubbornness, to understand the roots of his resistance to change. He learned that relationships required compromise, empathy, and a willingness to grow together. It was a revelation for Dan, a realization that shook him to his core. Dan was also able to forgive himself and Dana, to release the burden of anger and resentment.
With his newfound understanding, Dan began his journey of self-discovery and transformation. He worked hard to understand and practice empathy, to listen to his partner's needs, and to communicate in an honest and authentic way. It took a lot of effort on his part, letting go of his stubborn ways. Slowly but surely, his efforts and personal growth paid off.
Eventually, Dan found himself with a new love, a relationship built on mutual respect, compromise, trust, and understanding. He had learned from his past mistakes, from the pain of his failed marriage, and had come out of it stronger and wiser. His willingness to change, and let go of his stubbornness, led him to true happiness and fulfillment in love. He had become a much better man as a result.
So you see with Dan’s story, something as devastating as going through an unwanted divorce, can actually turn into a blessing. If it hadn’t been for the crisis of his divorce, he may have never faced what was getting in the way of him having a fulfilling relationship, which ultimately led to him actually having a fulfilling relationship.
This goes for any crisis, setback or so-called failures in life. It’s about learning from these setbacks, and continue to move forward. I heard some celebrity on Instagram the other day, I can’t remember who it was, but he said something like “success doesn’t teach you anything, it’s through he failures that you learn and grow.” And in the context Dan’s story and what this episode is all about, I agree.
So how can you become a better man after going through divorce?
- Well, first of all it’s taking a good look at yourself. You know, it’s easy to blame your ex on everything right? Yet even if it is mostly your ex’s fault, you played a part in it at some level. By taking responsibility for your part, you can gain valuable insights into your strengths, what you need help with, and areas for personal growth.
- Getting through the emotional upset of divorce can make you a better man, building resilience and inner strength. It can help you learn to cope with grief, loss, and disappointment, and rising from the experience with a greater capacity to whatever life throws your way.
- When you’ve gone through the grief, loss, and disappointment of divorce, it can increase a your capacity for empathy and compassion towards others who are struggling. Having experienced this kind of emotional pain firsthand, you may be more in touch with the needs and feelings of those around you.
- With one of the major barriers in relationship being communication issues, divorce can make this clear. As a result, you may want to develop better communication skills, like those I’ve mentioned before including active listening, assertiveness, and conflict resolution, which can help with your future relationships.
- Sometimes going through divorce can force you to take a look at your values, goals, and priorities in life. Getting clarity about what truly matters to you, can lead to a more authentic, conscious, and a more purposeful way of living.
- The process of rebuilding you life post-divorce can be the catalyst to your personal growth journey. It certainly was for me. It’s a great opportunity for self-discovery, pursuing new interests, hobbies, or some sort of education to enrich your life.
- I know another thing that happened for me after divorce was having a strong support network for emotional, practical, and social support. Having cultivated deeper connections with friends, family members, and support groups, gave me a stronger sense of belonging and resilience.
- In Dan’s story, I mentioned how angry and resentful he was. That’s where forgiveness and letting go came in. Through his self-reflection and healing, Dan was able to forgive himself and Dana for any past hurts or wrongs. You see, letting go of anger and resentment allows you to move forward with better sense of peace and acceptance.
- If you have kids, divorce can be an opportunity to deepen your relationship with your kids and develop some parenting skills. I know this was the case for me. Prioritizing time with my kids, communicating openly and offering emotional support to for them to help nurture their well-being. This was one thing I never got as kid when my parents got divorced.
- Finally, experiencing divorce can ultimately open your heart to the possibility of love and connection in the future. This wasn’t totally the case for me with the last divorce I went through. I was almost ready to live a monks life and be done with relationships.
- It wasn’t until after a deep meditation that I came to the realization that with all that I learned from my past relationships, being more of self-aware and more conscious, the emotional maturity that I had, being more vulnerable and authentic, that I was a pretty good catch, and I was ready. I say this to say that, you too, can move forward to find new love and relationships, because with your experience, hopefully if you learned from it, you have a greater sense of maturity, authenticity, vulnerability, and readiness to create a healthy relationship that just right for you. Always keep hope alive.
Before I wrap up, I have a quote from author and speaker Steve Maraboli who I’ve quoted before, he says, “Divorce is not a defeat; it's a new beginning. Use it as an opportunity to reinvent yourself and create the life you deserve." You go Steve!
Alright, that’s going to do it for this episode of the Men on the Path to Love podcast, the How Divorce Can Make You a Better Man in Relationship, episode. I’m Bill Simpson your host. I appreciate you listening.
Now, coming up on the next episode of the Men on the Path to Love podcast, you’ll hear Stan’s story and how admitting his weaknesses actually made him stronger. Please join me for the How Admitting Your Weakness Can Make You Stronger, episode.
Before I go I want to give a big shout out and thank you to Anuj, and the fine folks at Feedspot.com for ranking me in their Top 30 Relationship Podcasts for Men. I came in at number 12…I’ll take it…not too shabby!
I’m always open to making this podcast better, so as usual, if you have any suggestions or topics for the podcast, any comments you’d like to share or have any issues in your relationship you need help with, please email me at Bill@menonthepathtolove.com, that’s Bill@menonthepathtolove.com.
And if you feel like you could use some support and would like to talk with me about what’s going on in your relationship, I’d be happy to. You can schedule a free, hour long, discovery call with me, and we can talk about anything you’d like. And often all it takes is one call to get some perspective. Just visit my website at Men on the Path to Love.com and sign up. That’s menonthepathtolove.com.
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And until next time keep your heart open and stay on the path to love.