Men on the Path to Love Podcast
S2 Ep20
How Admitting Your Weakness Can Make You Stronger
Hi, and welcome to the Men on the Path to Love podcast, the How Admitting Your Weakness Can Make You Stronger, episode. I’m Bill Simpson your host, I coach men who are struggling in relationship how to communicate effectively, build trust and deepen intimacy, so they can be the best version of themselves in relationship, and live the life they love!
Now, to be clear, when I say admitting your weakness can make your stronger, I’m not talking about admitting your weaknesses to a fault. You know, always putting yourself down, being clingy, needy and what not. No, there’s nothing sexy about that. What I’m really talking about is vulnerability. And that’s something many men struggle with.
As men, we have been traditionally conditioned to never admit our weakness, right? You know society says, we should be strong, stoic, and rely on ourselves and not need help from anyone. And if we admitted weakness, we may be looked at as less than, in terms of what it means to be a man. I know I fell for this. There’s this fear of the stigma and judgment often attached to when a man make himself vulnerable.
Even though societal norms are shifting, there are still these cultural stereotypes, where some men may feel the pressure to live up to them. And with the lack of role models, of men admitting their weaknesses, they may struggle to navigate what society expects from them and creating their own sense of balance in embracing the strength of expressing their vulnerability and maintaining their masculinity.
Stan (not his real name) is one of those guys who struggled with this balance. On the outside, a very masculine man in the traditional sense of he word and on the inside, a very sensitive soul. Yet the way he carried himself with his tough exterior, you wouldn’t know how sensitive he was unless you got to know him. The fact that he came to me for support was almost a miracle, frankly. His provider had referred him to me and he went along with it.
It took a minute to get him to open up, but when he did, it was like opening the floodgates. He was so full of anxiety with the threat of losing his job and possibly his marriage of over 20 years. Just two of the biggest stressors happening at the same time. After validating Stan’s feelings in all that he was going through, I discovered a common thread that was running through both of these situations, his fear of admitting his weaknesses or shortcomings.
He told me that part of his issue at work was that he was fairly new to his sales job, and he was getting feedback that he needed to step up his game. I asked him if he had talked with his supervisor to get some support in order to step up his game. And he was like “no, no I couldn’t do that” and I was like “why not” and he said that “oh he’ll see me as incompetent and want to get rid of me.” And I said, “what if he sees you as someone who wants to do a good job and just needs some support?” I could see him get all squirmy and what not at the thought of doing what I suggested.
I asked him what did he have to lose, if he already thinks he may lose his job, and that it might be worth a try. Well, he took what I said to heart and went to his supervisor and asked for support. He was excited to report that his supervisor was very impressed with Stan’s asking for help, and was happy to do so. As a result, Stan’s productivity increased in a relatively short period of time.
That was all good and well, however, there was another issue Stan was having at work. He was missing a lot of time during the day because of issues he was having at home being late for work and having extended lunch hours. I asked if he had explained that to his supervisor and again, he said no, that he didn’t want to discuss his personal life. So instead of suggesting that he divulge what was going on at home, to at least be upfront to let him know in advance that he needed to take PTO.
So next, we had to address what was going on at home. Without getting into all the details, it turned out that he was getting a lot of heat from his wife Stacey (nor her real name) for him shutting down and not being emotionally available. He said that the stress he was under at work weighed heavy on him, and Stacey constantly bugging him didn’t help.
Again, I asked if he had told her about what was going on at work, and he said no, that he didn’t want her to worry about him losing his job. So I pointed out that in the meantime, she knows you’re stressed yet she doesn’t know why, and how frustrating that might be for her. I asked him what if she did that to him, how would he feel. He said he wouldn’t like it.
So, we worked on how to bring it up to Stacey in the most effective way.
And Stan went for it. Turned out that Stacey was extremely supportive and was proud that he had asked his boss for support. Stan couldn’t believe it.
His life was getting back on track with his marriage and his job. His fear of admitting his weaknesses almost derailed his life to the point of losing his job and marriage. And now, he sees clearly how admitting his limitations actually led him to feel stronger and more confident in knowing that asking for support in any aspect of his life took strength and courage, to move beyond the traditional stereotypes and societal norms, maintaining his masculinity, and ultimately, living the life he loves.
So, in Stan’s story it shows that admitting his weaknesses was not a sign of weakness but a show of strength, courage, humility, and self-awareness. It can actually empowers men to embrace their vulnerability, to build stronger connections, and ultimately leading to greater personal and professional fulfillment.
The biggest reason why men think admitting their limitations or weaknesses comes down to fear.
As I said earlier, fear of:
- Social expectations
- Stigma
- Judgment
- Vulnerability
- Risk of repercussions personally and professionally
- And so on
As I said, it takes a lot of courage to overcome this fear and if you do, here are some of the ways admitting your weaknesses can make you stronger:
- It’s understanding that by admitting your weaknesses and showing your vulnerability, it can build trust in your relationships. Those you are in relationship with, will often appreciate you being more authentic and honest, and you are more likely to connect on a deeper level, leading to stronger and more meaningful relationships.
- Admitting weaknesses allows a you to identify areas for you to improve and grow. When you acknowledge your limitations, you can take action to deal with them, whether through self-reflection, getting some help or guidance, or learning new skills.
- And with this growth you increase your emotional intelligence, that I talk about a lot. As you become more in touch with your emotions and vulnerabilities, you develop a greater sense of empathy, understanding, and compassion towards yourself and others.
- When you embrace your weaknesses and realize that it’s just part of being human, it builds resilience. You know, bouncing back from setbacks, and seeing so-called failures and challenges as opportunities to grow rather than being less than a man.
- By being open, authentic, and confidently acknowledging your weaknesses and showing your commitment to self-growth and self-improvement, you are setting an example, and have the potential inspire others to follow. You’re basically giving other men permission so-to-speak, to admit their weaknesses too. And there can be strength in that.
- Now in a work situation, admitting your weaknesses or limitations encourages collaboration and teamwork. Instead of trying to do everything on your own, getting support and leveraging the strengths of others, can lead to more effective problem-solving and with coming up with new ideas.
- And another thing associated with work is improving your leadership skills. Authentic leaders are not afraid to show vulnerability and admit their weaknesses or mistakes. By modeling authenticity can, again, help to inspire others.
So, I hope you now have a better sense of how admitting your weaknesses can actually make you stronger. Maybe shining the light on some beliefs you may have instilled in you, and know that it’s ok to admit your weaknesses, limitations, mistakes or admit when you’re wrong. It’s letting go of your ego, to help create more meaning and fulfilling relationships.
Here’s a quote from the late basketball coach John Wooden, he says "The strongest men are those who can admit their weaknesses and mistakes, and work to correct them." And applies to relationship and all aspects of like. Can’t ask for much more than that.
And that will close out this episode of the Men on the Path to Love podcast, the How Admitting Your Weakness Can Make You Stronger, episode. I’m Bill Simpson your host. Thanks for listening.
Now, coming up on the next episode of the Men on the Path podcast, does your spouse or partner do/don’t you? You know, like I do/don’t want to go, or I do/don’t like this, or I do/don’t love you? I’m talking about ambivalence. Well, you’ll hear Caleb’s story and how his partner’s ambivalence drove him crazy and what he did about it. Please join me for the “Do/Don’t: Navigating Ambivalence in Relationship, episode.
Now, if you have any suggestions or topics for the podcast, any comments you’d like to share or have any issues in your relationship you need help with, please email me at Bill@menonthepathtolove.com, that’s Bill@menonthepathtolove.com.
And if you feel like you could use some support and would like to talk with me about what’s going on in your relationship, I’d be happy to. You can schedule a free, hour long, discovery call with me, and we can talk about anything you’d like. And often all it takes is one call to get some perspective. Just visit my website at Men on the Path to Love.com and sign up. That’s menonthepathtolove.com.
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And until next time keep your heart open and stay on the path to love.