Love In Action: How to Make Your Spouse or Partner Feel Loved

What if you could make your spouse or partner feel deeply loved with just a few small changes in how you interact with her? You can! In this episode, I’m going to let you in on what some of my women clients have told me over the years about what makes them feel loved.  I’m also going to share what I find helpful in my relationship, and some of what research says. Check out the Love in Action: How to Make Your Spouse or Partner Feel Loved, episode.

Transcript

Bil Simpson: 0:03

Hi and welcome to the Men on the Path to Love podcast. The love in action how to make your spouse or partner feel loved episode. I'm Bill Simpson, your host. I coach men who want to stop suffering in relationship and who want a deeper sense of love and connection. I coach them how to do it and how to be the best version of himself for himself and for his current or future relationship, and to live the life he loves. So over the years I've had hundreds of clients and most of them have been women in my clinical practice and I've often asked them what is it that makes them feel loved by their spouse or partner? Well, in this episode, I'm going to share some of what my clients have told me and all the names have been changed, by the way. I'm also going to share what I find helpful in my relationship and some of what research says. So let's get started relationship and some of what research says so let's get started.

Bil Simpson: 1:09

The number one thing that women clients have shared with me that makes them feel loved is when their spouse or partner really hears and sees them, and the research backs this up. I remember my client Alicia saying I hate it when my husband talks over me or walks away when I'm speaking. Well, after her husband learned how to listen attentively and actively, she said that it made all the difference in their relationship. You know when he would validate her feelings and show empathy instead of getting all defensive. She said she felt loved and supported. Also, randomly asking open-minded questions like how are you feeling today? You know, and really being present with her, she said it meant so much to her.

Bil Simpson: 1:58

Another big one that women shared with me was that they love it when their man knows their love language. Yeah, man, back in season one of the Men on the Path to Love podcast, I did a whole episode about love language. It was season one, episode 15, if you want to check it out. So anyway, this guy, dr Gary Chapman, wrote a book about love language and he identified five love languages which are words of affirmation. There's one that's meaning compliments, saying nice things, saying appreciations, acts of service is another. You know, doing things for her, helping out with the chores, home projects, that kind of thing, breakfast in bed hint, hint.

Bil Simpson: 2:39

Receiving gifts is one thoughtful gifts of love that show that you know you're paying attention to what she likes. Quality time yeah, spending quality time together, giving undivided attention and being present is one, and the last one is physical touch. You know showing affection physically by holding hands, hugs, kissing, that kind of thing. Well, for my wife and me, one of both of our love languages is words of affirmation. And if you've listened to this podcast, a lot you've heard me say about how my wife and I say at least three appreciations to each other before going to sleep each night, and I've also said we actually put that in our wedding vows right. Well, showing appreciations and gratitude is a win-win, period.

Bil Simpson: 3:32

Then there's my client, Bernadette. She likes getting thoughtful gifts and the key here is thoughtful. She said it doesn't have to be a big gift, just something that shows that he sees her and pays attention, like the time her partner surprised her with a scarf that she had commented on when they had been out window shopping the week prior.

Bil Simpson: 3:54

For my client, Camilla, she's all about acts of service. She's a working mom and she feels so loved and appreciated when her husband picks up some of the slack by helping out with the chores, with meal prep, and especially when he makes the bed. She loved that and one day he cleaned out her car after the kids had spilled a whole bag of veggie straws, and that day she said he was her knight in shining armor.

Bil Simpson: 4:23

Now Denise loves spending quality time with her partner, and when she sees him turn the ringer off on his phone when they're out to eat or spending time together, she says it makes her feel like she is his top priority and she loves it.

Bil Simpson: 4:39

Now Emily's love language is physical touch. She grew up in a household where they didn't hug each other or show much physical attention at all, so when her husband randomly offers hugs, she says she appreciates it so much and that she melts with love. So there, knowing your partner's love language can go a long way.

Bil Simpson: 5:05

Another thing I hear women say is that they love it when their spouse or partner pays attention to things she likes. I touched on this with Bernadette when I was talking about the love languages. Take notice of what your spouse or partner is into. You know like her favorite foods or restaurants, the types of movies, tv shows, podcasts, books or music she likes. Notice the style of clothes or shoes she wears and know her size that's very important and notice her favorite flowers, plants or perfume and so on. Yeah, man, and nothing is worse than picking out something for her that you like versus what she likes. Yeah, I mean, don't buy her tickets to a basketball game if she's not into basketball and by all means pay attention to the cards you buy for her. My client Faye said that she got a birthday card from her boyfriend once, that said, from the both of us, and it didn't make her feel very special, to say the least.

Bil Simpson: 6:16

Now, on the other side of that, my client Ginger's husband, alan, went as far as creating a personalized birthday card for Ginger. I think he did it on Canva or something. She was so touched by his extra effort that she cried. You know how often do people do that, right? Beautiful. Helene told me that her husband, bob, who would leave for work before her, would randomly put love notes on her windshield in the morning. She said that it would make her smile and have love in her heart for Bob all day long.

Bil Simpson: 6:52

And my wife and I send each other texts throughout our workday with a simple check-in or maybe just a couple of emojis. I do it to let her know that I'm thinking of her and she does the same, and that makes us both feel loved Another thing that makes my wife feel loved, and me too, for that matter, and that is when we support each other's goals and dreams.

Bil Simpson: 7:14

I've seen many women suffer because their man is not supportive of their dreams or they're dismissive of their goals and dreams. And I'm telling you, fellas, supporting your spouse or partner's goals and dreams really shows how much you care about her life and her interests. My client, janine, said that she felt so loved when her husband agreed to take out a loan to pay for her to become certified as a professional coach. She said that it gave her such a boost of confidence because it showed that he believed in her and she went on to become very successful.

Bil Simpson: 7:51

Now again, physical affection is one I hear a lot. You know one of the love languages that I mentioned earlier. Kate was saying how painful it was when her husband, cam, very rarely showed physical affection except when he wanted sex and after working with him on how to show non-sexual physical affection, like you know, holding hands and giving hugs it made a big difference for Kate in feeling Cam's love.

Bil Simpson: 8:18

And there's one thing I haven't mentioned that I hear women say that makes them feel loved, and that is when their spouse or partner is being vulnerable, and this can be a challenge for a lot of men, but it can be a game changer as well. When Luna's husband, david, lets her in on how he's feeling and what he needs, she says it makes her feel safe in the relationship and she feels much closer to him.

Bil Simpson: 8:43

So I could go on and on with more things you can do to make your spouse or partner feel loved. . I think you have a lot of ideas now you can play with right, and I hope you took notes. Well, the good thing about this podcast is that you can listen to it as many times as you need to really let the content sink in. You know, just hearing it once you hear it, you may know about it, but to hear it over and over again, you start to embody it and if there's something that you really want to work on, I highly recommend you listening to the episode over and over to help reinforce what you've learned, no matter what the topic is.

Bil Simpson: 9:21

Now the Dalai Lama has an idea on how to make someone feel loved. He says, quote Well, sounds like a good place to start, right. Yeah, and that's a wrap for this episode of the Men on the Path to Love podcast, the Love in Action how to Make your Spouse or Partner Feel Loved episode. My name is Bill Simpson. Thank you for listening.

Bil Simpson: 9:59

Coming up on the next episode of the Men on the Path to Love podcast, have you thought about seeking therapy? Well, if you've thought about it or are thinking about it, it might be a good idea to try it. On the next bonus episode, my guest will be a gestalt therapist by the name of Melissa Bennett-Hines. She explains what gestalt therapy is all about and makes a good case for men to try therapy. Please join me for "How About Therapy? A conversation with Gestalt therapist Melissa Bennett-Hines.

Bil Simpson: 10:32

And if you have an idea you'd like for me to explore on this podcast, or if you'd like to share what you do to make your spouse or partner feel loved, there's a new way you can reach me besides my website. On the podcast page you should see a button that says fan mail. You can send me a text from that link. Now, unfortunately, it's not set up to where I can respond to your text directly, but I will address any fan mail on or close to the following episode. So I'll give a quick shout out to Barbara, who sent me fan mail. She asked if women can listen to this podcast, and yeah, absolutely. I know there are women who listen regularly, and maybe even more women listen than men, but don't quote me on that. Thanks, Barbara. I appreciate the fan mail.

Bil Simpson: 11:21

Now, if you'd like to contact me and get a direct response, then simply go to my website, menonthepathtolove. com, and you can do it right from there. You can also set up a free coaching session with me and you can download my free cheat sheet Five Ways to Communicate Better in Relationship. Just go to menonthepathtolove. com. And what do you say? We spread some more love in the world, y'all, lord knows. I think we could use it right. Then, please share the link to this podcast and share the love, and until next time, keep your heart open and stay on the path to love.