Top 5 Topics & Episodes of 2024

This episode highlights the top five most impactful Men on the Path to Love podcasts of 2024, focusing on love languages, emotional abuse, conflict resolution, exploring polyamory, and the proven reason why crying is good for you. This episode features insightful strategies from previous episodes to reinforce your opportunity to be the best version of yourself for your current or future relationship, and live the life you love!

Chapters

• 0:09 Men's Relationship Podcast
• 12:37 Exploring Polyamory and Emotional Expression
• 17:32 Setting Relationship Goals Together

Transcript

Bill Simpson: 0:09

Hi and welcome to the Men on the Path to Love podcast, the top five topics and episodes of 2024. I'm Bill Simpson, your host. I coach men who want to stop suffering in relationship and who want a deeper sense of love and connection. I coach him how to do it and how to be the best version of himself for himself and for his current or future relationship, and to live the life he loves.

Bill Simpson: 0:40

All right, y'all. I have to admit that I lied, okay. I mentioned at the end of the last episode that in this episode I would give you the top 10 topics in episodes of the year. Well, I decided to narrow it down to the top five Now. These are based on the number of downloads they received this year, and reviewing these topics can only help to reinforce how you can be the best version of yourself in your relationship.

Bill Simpson: 1:09

All right, so here we go. Coming in at number five is the Love in Action how to Make your Spouse or Partner Feel Loved episode. Now, I mentioned in that episode that over the years, I've had hundreds of clients, and most of them being women, in my clinical practice, and I've often asked them what is it that makes them feel loved by their spouse or partner. Well, the number one thing that women clients have shared with me is when their spouse or partner actually hears and sees them, and it really pisses them off when they don't feel seen or heard.

Bill Simpson: 1:48

Another one is when their spouse or partner knows their love language. That could be words of affirmation, you know, compliments, saying nice things, giving appreciations, that kind of stuff. Another one is acts of service. That love language is about doing things for her, you know, helping with the chores, home projects, things like that. Another love language is receiving gifts, and that's thoughtful gifts of love that show that you're paying attention to what she likes, not just a gift, it's got to be a thoughtful gift. Quality time is another love language, you know, spending time together, giving undivided attention and being present in the moment. And the last of the five love languages is physical touch Showing affection, holding hands, hugging, kissing, all that. So what is your spouse or partner's love language? Well, if you don't know, ask

Bill Simpson: 2:55

.

Bill Simpson: 2:55

Another thing I hear women say that they love is when their spouse or partner pays attention to the things she likes, and this goes along with knowing her love language. You know it's taking notice of what your spouse or partner is into, like her favorite foods or restaurants, type of

Bill Simpson: 3:15

movies, tv shows, podcasts, books or music, the styles of clothes or shoes that she wears and it's so important to know her size. Okay, get that in your head, memorize it, notice her favorite flowers or plants or perfume that kind of stuff. And supporting each other's goals and dreams is a big one. I've seen so many women suffer because their man is not supportive of their dreams or goals or they're dismissive of them, and supporting her goals and dreams really shows how much you care about her and what she's interested in. And the last thing that I mentioned in that episode I hear women say that makes them feel loved is when their spouse or partner is being vulnerable. Now,

Bill Simpson: 4:08

this can be a real challenge for a lot of guys and it can be a real game changer too. When you let her know how you're feeling and what you need, it can help make her feel safe in the relationship and feel closer to you. The quote I used from that episode was from the Dalai Lama and it bears repeating. He says quote you can make someone feel loved by simply being present in their life, by listening to them and showing genuine interest in their well-being. Unquote. So there you go, all right. Now. The number four episode in 2024 was the when Love Hurts Signs of Men being Abused in Relationship episode. And when I say abuse, I don't mean the obvious physical abuse I think we can all agree on that. I'm talking about the more subtle emotional abuse. I'm talking about

Bill Simpson: 5:07

the more subtle emotional abuse and, according to a CDC survey, 48.8% of men have experienced some kind of psychological aggression by a partner in their lifetime. We're talking damn, nearly 50% man, and there's research that says that psychological abuse or emotional abuse is as damaging as physical abuse. A lot of times we don't think of it that way, and in that episode I told Melvin's story not his real name, of course and how Melvin was being emotionally and mentally abused and he didn't know it and it's more common than you think he was being gaslighted by his partner.

Bill Simpson: 5:51

Gaslighting is a type of manipulation where the abuser makes the other person question his reality and often the abuser may deny that they're being abusive and they may ignore or minimize the guy's feelings or they may twist situations to make him doubt his perception of what's really going on. Another form of abuse that men may be subjected to that I mentioned in that episode is sexual abuse, and you know there's the obvious physical sexual abuse where they may be forced or manipulated into participating in sexual acts they don't want to. But the not so obvious is again the emotional manipulation around sex. You know, being critical of his sexual performance or withholding sex as a punishment or as a way to manipulate or control and, as a result, a guy may feel frustrated or have a lot of guilt or shame because he's not able to satisfy his spouse or partner's needs or even get his own sexual needs met.

Bill Simpson: 7:03

Now, financial abuse is another type of abuse that I talked about. This could look like her having financial control, where he may not have full access to his money or have to turn his money over to her. She may also run up a lot of debt in his name and make financial decisions without his consent and, as a result of financial abuse, he may feel trapped in the marriage or relationship and feel like he has to stay because he depends on her financially, or he could be afraid that if he files for divorce he won't get any money. It's all about control, and another form of control and abuse is social isolation. Now, this would be keeping him from seeing certain friends or even family members so that he is isolated from getting any outside support. She could make him feel guilty for spending time with others, or she could be overly critical of his family and friends, which can cause him to isolate from them as he gives into her control. And this kind of abuse can be really subtle, yet repeatedly over time can be traumatizing.

Bill Simpson: 8:20

And the last form of abuse that I talked about in that episode, and the one that really gets my goat, is using the kids to manipulate. You know this is where she threatens to keep the kids from him, you know, saying lies about him in front of them, and this can be emotionally harmful, of course, to the kids and harmful to the parents as well. It's just so wrong. Period, all right, moving right along to number three, the how to stop arguing and start connecting in relationship episode. I had mentioned in that episode that arguing and having disagreements is a natural part of being in a relationship. It happens. It's to the extent or the impact it has on the relationship that makes the difference. I told Nate and Natalie's story not their real names, of course and how they stopped arguing and got connected.

Bill Simpson: 9:16

Now, some ways you can do this is, first and foremost, to listen. I talked about active and reflective listening. I talked about active and reflective listening. It's about hearing your spouse or partner without interrupting and without thinking about what you're going to say back, how you're going to respond. Just be present with her, hear her out and let her have her say. Then you can switch roles and do the same for you, and this can help both of you feel seen and heard. You and this can help both of you feel seen and heard. You know, letting go of having to be right, letting go of getting defensive, can help build trust and take some of the tension out of the relationship. I also talked about how empathy can go a long way when there's a disagreement or an issue. Empathy is taking into consideration how your spouse or partner may feel or what she might be going through, and it's not about being right or wrong. It's just acknowledging her experience and it's asking yourself how would I feel if I were in

Bill Simpson: 10:19

her shoes? Empathy can help you feel more connected and show that you understand and that you hear and see her. Using I statements can help too. Instead of saying you are so selfish, you, you, you, you, you try something like I feel like I don't matter when I don't get a response from you. This way of talking can create a deeper sense of empathy and understanding of each other.

Bill Simpson: 10:50

Now, anytime you're trying to change, it can take some getting used to, and with practice it can make such a big difference. The main thing is the intention behind it. You know you can't be perfect, but your intention needs to be perfect, that you're not pointing blame, you're taking responsibility for yourself. Another technique that I mentioned in that episode that can be really helpful is taking timeouts. You know you both agree that when an argument gets heated and your emotions are starting to rise an argument gets heated and your emotions are starting to rise take a time out, maybe five minutes, 20 minutes or longer if you need it. It's not that you're not going to talk about it, it's just letting your nervous system chill out and your mind chill out. And when you're both chilled in a calm place, then you can resume the conversation. This way, you're much less likely to say something hurtful that you might regret later. And another way to stay connected when you're having a disagreement is to focus on your shared values and goals, and that's for the long term of your relationship. And when there is a conflict, it's resolving it based on the long-term vision and goals you have as a couple. Always think about what's best for the long term of the relationship.

Bill Simpson: 12:17

I'd like to share a quote from that episode from psychologist, author and relationship expert Harville Hendricks. He says quote relationship expert Harville Hendricks. He says, quote if we spend as much energy connecting as we do fighting, we'd feel more fulfilled and less frustrated. Unquote. All right, number two the number two spot goes to a bonus episode I did called Polyamory and Ethical Non-Monogamy in Relationship with Dr Simon Facht. In this bonus episode I spoke with scholar, educator, philosopher and writer, dr Simon Facht. He shared his thoughts and experience with polyamory and ethical non-monogamy. We talked about what it is, the pros and cons, the social impact of it and so much more. Here's a clip from that show where Simon talks about how to find out more about polyamory and open relationships.

Dr Simon Fokt: 13:16

So if people want to try to go this path, I think a good way to do that is to actually start by educating themselves a little bit and maybe knowing themselves a little bit more, and there's very helpful materials out there that can help you with this, and I recently read a fantastic book by Jessica Fern called Polysecure.

Dr Simon Fokt: 13:37

I highly recommend it to people and it kind of gives you a breakdown of what to expect from polyamorous relationships or open relationships, and it. What it stresses is this part. It's called poly secure. It stresses the kind of secure attachment in relationships and what it argues for I think is absolutely fantastic. So it argues that first of all, you need to be securely attached to each other, but before you can do that properly, you first need to be securely attached to yourself, right? So the idea is that it's a pervasive narrative, which is really quite stupid, and we we're still doing this, which is this whole narrative of you know having the other half of your apple up there or something like this yeah, you're my other half you complete yeah, exactly, apple up there, or something like this yeah, you're my other half.

Dr Simon Fokt: 14:23

You complete yeah, exactly and exactly. And this is this narrative in which, like, yeah,

Bill Simpson: 14:25

it's kind of romantic and all that, but really what it, what the undertone of it, is that, like without you, I am not whole, unless you're with me, something is missing, right, and it's. It's kind of like it seems like it's a nice thing, but really it's just not healthy for people. If you're in a relationship, you need to feel like this relationship is adding something to your life, is

Bill Simpson: 14:45

making it better and all that, but if this person is gone, you'll be fine. That's Dr Simon Facht, from the episode I did called Polyamory and Ethical Non-Monogamy in Relationship. All right, here we go. It's time for the number one topic and episode of 2024. Can I get a drum roll please? The big boys should cry.

Bill Simpson: 15:13

The proven benefits of crying episode. I got to tell you I was pretty shocked about this one and pleasantly surprised, I should say. I guess Now you know, because a lot of us men have been traditionally conditioned to believe that big boys don't cry, right? Well, the research begs to differ and I told Kyle's story not his real name about how he gave himself permission to cry and how he benefited from it, and I shared several emotional and physiological benefits of crying that the research showed. Emotional benefits like stress relief and emotional release, using it to balance your emotions, improving your mood, and it also encourages getting support from others. You know when you cry they're there to help you and want to support you. Then there were the physiological benefits like releasing endorphins. Those are the body's natural calming and pain-relieving chemicals that can promote a sense of physical and emotional well-being. How crying releases toxins from the body that don't serve us. How crying can activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which controls rest and digestion. So having a good cry can help you sleep better. It can help with reducing high blood pressure by slowing the heart rate down, and crying helps to keep your eyes clean. So in the Big Boys Should Cry episode I shared a quote from author Washington Irving. He says, quote there is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness but of power. They are messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition and of unspeakable love. Unquote of 2024.

Bill Simpson: 17:24

I'm Bill Simpson, your host. Thank you so much for listening and thanks for listening over the past year. I look forward to a new year and more episodes for you on the Men on the Path to Love podcast. Now coming up on the next episode of the Men on the Path to Love podcast, as we move into a new year, it's resolution time and I'm going to share Yuki's story and how he and his wife made resolutions together for their relationship and why it could be a good thing for you to do for your relationship.

Bill Simpson: 17:51

Please join me for the New Year, new Us Setting Relationship Goals Together episode and if you have an idea or topic for the show, please let me know. I'm here to serve you, to help you, so please contact me by going to my show page or you can go to my website, menonthepathtolove. com. That's menonthepathtolove. com.

Bill Simpson: 18:18

And as 2024 comes to a close, , make that resolution to put more love out into the world. And you can start right now by sharing the link to this podcast and sharing the love. And until next year and next time, keep your heart open and stay on the path to love.