Bill's Story (my story): Finding Love After Divorce

What happens when a relationship coach has been divorced not once, not twice, but three times? Rather than hide this part of my journey, I'm sharing my full story of how repeated divorce ultimately led to lasting love.

If you're recovering from divorce or going through divorce and wondering if love is still possible, let my story be evidence that it is. Your past relationships, even failed ones, can serve as valuable teachers preparing you for the deep connection you truly deserve. Check out the Bill's Story: Finding Love After Divorce episode.

Link to Behind the Episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zEZ_axhv1XY

Link to Live Q&A Event Wednesday April 9th 12:00-12:30:
https://us06web.zoom.us/j/84664417279

Chapters

• 0:12 Welcome to Season 4
• 1:22 My Divorce Journey Begins
• 4:00 Learning Through Failed Marriages
• 7:00 Hitting Rock Bottom
• 10:37 Finding My Forever Love
• 14:00 Looking Forward to Season 4

Transcript

Bill Simpson: 0:12

Hi and welcome to this brand new season of the Men on the Path to Love podcast, season 4, episode 1, the Bill's Story Finding Love After Divorce episode. I'm Bill Simpson, your host. I coach men who are done suffering in their relationships, men who want deeper love, real connection and to finally feel like themselves again. I help them become the best version of themselves, for themselves and for their current relationship or the one they're ready to find, so they can live the life they love. So welcome to a new season.

Bill Simpson: 0:56

And of course, it is the season of allergies, and I've developed this nasty allergy cold. I don't know what's going on, so please bear with me as I deal with this cold and the froggy voice. Hopefully we'll get through this. So back to the topic at hand. Finding love after divorce can be a tricky thing, especially if the divorce was bitter or messy, right, and I've seen it time and time again where men and women for that matter get paralyzed when it comes to moving forward to find love after going through a rough divorce or even a pleasant divorce, right. Well, I'm here to tell you that it is possible to find true love and a long-lasting relationship after divorce. I say that because it happened to me, and if it can happen to me, it can happen for you too, and it's never too late.

Bill Simpson: 1:54

Well, the Bill I'm referring to in the title of this episode is yours truly, and I'm not telling this story to make it all about me. I'm telling it so that, if you've been through a divorce or you're going through a divorce, to know that there is hope to finding love after divorce. Now, it's no secret that I've been through divorce three times, yeah, man, and there was a time when admitting that was a hard pill for me to swallow. I had a lot of shame and self-judgment that went along with that, and today I wear it as a badge of honor, really, because I have no regrets. If I hadn't gone through all that I went through, I wouldn't be where I am today in a thriving 16-year marriage that just keeps getting better. With time. I've learned a lot and I've grown a lot. Plus, my experience of going through a divorce allows me to connect with my clients who've been through or are going through a divorce. So Been there, done that, all right. So here's my story in full transparency.

Bill Simpson: 3:04

Now I want to start off by saying that I'm not here to throw any of my exes under the bus. Okay, it's just me being accountable. For my part, I'm not here to throw shade or blame, although it would probably be more entertaining if I did, but that doesn't do anyone any good. All right, so, anyway, my first marriage I was 25 years old, embarking on a career in radio as a radio personality, and I remember, before my fiance at the time and I got married, we went through a series of counseling sessions with the minister who was going to officiate the wedding, and I said all the right things you know in these sessions and we passed with flying colors. The minister didn't see any red flags.

Bill Simpson: 3:52

Well, fast forward to my wedding day. I remember my best friend and best man that morning asked me if I was ready. Remember, my best friend and best man that morning asked me if I was ready and frankly, I told him that I didn't think I was. And yet I added that I didn't think I'd ever be. So I went for it. Now, mind you, I was on the radio getting a lot of attention from some beautiful women, and it was hard or I should say it was difficult for me not to give in to the temptation, and I wish I could say that I didn't, but I did. I wasn't proud of it. I'm still not proud of it.

Bill Simpson: 4:30

Well, anyway, I ended up meeting a woman who would become my second wife while I was still married to my first wife, and this was a pattern since high school for me. I would overlap relationships and I found out later in therapy that that was because of my abandonment issue from my mother leaving when I was eight and then died when I was 13. And I hadn't seen her in between that time. Well, I realized that my failure to be monogamous in my marriage was not fair to my wife. I was too immature to have gotten married at that stage in my life. I really was, and you know my wife and I got along great. You know we didn't have problems. I was just too immature to handle what it meant to be in a marriage. So I asked for a divorce and eventually got married to the woman I just mentioned, who I was seeing when I was still married. She had four kids and we ended up having a beautiful daughter together.

Bill Simpson: 5:36

And this time I was faithful in my marriage. We had a good life. I was making big money in radio and we bought this huge 27-room house. We had a family of five, just like I did, growing up with four siblings, and unfortunately there was a dynamic in the relationship where I fell short. It was another thing that I later learned in therapy. It was that I had this knight in shining armor complex, you know, where I had this codependent need to fix her or save her and her kids.

Bill Simpson: 6:12

I also learned that I was controlling. I had no idea I was controlling because I was making all the financial decisions since I was the main breadwinner and I didn't see it as controlling at the time. It wasn't my intention. I thought I was looking out for what I thought was best for all. Well, I was just ignorant to the fact that we were equal, no matter who made the most money, and I saw us as equals. But I didn't act that way.

Bill Simpson: 6:43

Well, eventually the marriage ran its course and we got divorced. I took a huge financial loss because of the disparity of income and she ended up with 65% of the assets. Ouch, and I remember at the time, man, I was so mad with my lawyer, you know, for me losing so much money. I was like that was my money, I worked hard for it and I got a big dose of humility when my lawyer and my therapist said that when you're married, it's not your money, it belongs to both of you. That's what you agreed to, that's what you got into. Assets as well as deficits or debt is for both of you.

Bill Simpson: 7:27

Well, as painful as it was financially, mentally, emotionally and spiritually it was a big relief. It really was, and I distinctly remembered I was lying on the floor in my empty living room, no furniture, just a rug, and being alone, all alone, for the first time in my adult life, and this was the first time that I didn't overlap in a relationship. It was what I needed to start to heal that abandonment wound that I had from the loss of my mom. So, being alone for the first time, you know the pain of losing my wife, my stepkids, who I was really close to, and then the hardest part was my daughter. It was almost unbearable. Now, a few months later, I did end up gaining custody of my daughter, which was a huge relief for me, and this was a time of great healing for me.

Bill Simpson: 8:34

You know I was continuing with my therapy. I was going to workshops. I started getting trained and certified in coaching and various healing arts. You know massage therapy, energy work. I became a master, tai Chi and Qigong instructor and that is where I met my third wife, through Tai Chi, with my longtime Tai Chi master and because of this common connection, I thought she must be the one right.

Bill Simpson: 9:06

Well, this time she was married, okay, and we had quite a roller coaster of a relationship. I mean, when it was good, it was so good, but when it was bad, man, let me tell you, I had to set some pretty painful boundaries until she got divorced. You know, I wanted to be with her, but I couldn't be with her when she was still married. Well, fast forward. We eventually settled down, got married and had a son together, and the marriage was still a roller coaster ride and I actually felt like I was losing my identity. You know, with all this personal growth, spiritual growth I had gone through, I started to feel more and more alone in my marriage. And man, we did lots of couples and individual therapy and with that I decided I was going to commit, put both feet in the relationship, I gave it my all, only for it to end in divorce and once again I was faithful this time. So I saw that I'd made a lot of progress since my first go around.

Bill Simpson: 10:15

Well, by this time in my life I had gotten to the point where I was ready to give up on relationship, you know, and live a monk's life right. I mean, here I was. I had learned so much about relationships, you know, I learned a lot of skills, what it takes to make a relationship work. But, man, after three divorces, I got to tell you I was pretty discouraged. Divorces I got to tell you I was pretty discouraged and I was ready to succumb to the idea that maybe being in a relationship just wasn't in the cards for me. And I got to where I was okay with that. I focused on my private holistic health practice, helping others heal through the healing arts and coaching during the day and then at night I was still on the radio, but I wasn't making the money that I was doing the high-profile morning show I had been doing.

Bill Simpson: 11:08

Well, in 2008, during the recession, I lost my full-time radio gig. The format had changed and everyone was laid off and even though I still had my private practice, I had been getting my benefits and my regular salary through the radio gig. So here I was. I'd been through three divorces, going from living in a 27-room house to living in one room in someone else's house and now basically unemployed with no benefits. Well, this was certainly a low point in my life, right, and my attitude was pretty positive. I was like, okay, I'll just focus on my private practice and my personal growth and spiritual growth and all that. And that's what I did. And I put radio behind me and decided to move forward. Now here's where God and the universe come in. You know the old saying you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans. Well, several months later, after I come to terms with moving forward with my private practice and all that, and had a fairly positive attitude and I've told this story before on this podcast. I'm going to say it again One evening I was in deep meditation and I hear like this message, loud and clear in my meditation, saying you know, like Raifiki from the Lion King, it is time.

Bill Simpson: 12:40

And I was like huh and man it was such a strong push saying that it was time for me to fill out my profile on a dating site called Conscious Match and my logical mind was like what you have got to be kidding. You do not look good on paper, my brother. But my intuition was stronger and said hey, hey, man, you got to do it, you've got to do it, do it now. So my intuition won and I went for it. I created my profile, even though my current situation wasn't the best you know divorced three times, renting a room, no full-time job, and all that right.

Bill Simpson: 13:22

Well, I published the profile and, don't you know, three days later, I get a message from this beautiful woman who saw something in me, despite what I looked like on paper. She told me she was thinking well, at least he believes in marriage, you know, after three divorces. And she said there was something she saw in my eyes in my profile picture. So, okay, well, we ended up doing a lot of emailing back and forth. We shed all of our past baggage and what was going on currently in our lives. We shared our core values and what we envisioned a relationship to be. And we did all this before we even talked on the phone. And my thing was I might as well be real, because she'll find out eventually. So why wait? Just put myself out there and it'll be what it'll be. I was like what do I have to lose? Well, once we put all of our shit out on the table via email. We started having phone conversations and then that led to our first date and when I met her, I looked into her eyes and I remember having the thought of I am home. This was home for me.

Bill Simpson: 14:41

Well, that was over 16 years ago and we are in a marriage that is thriving and, I'm telling you, it keeps getting better over time. It's a relationship that I always wanted and dreamed of and at one point in my life I thought it would never happen. I got to, and I still get to apply all the skills and knowledge I learned over the years of how to make a relationship work. And it does work. It takes work too. It takes commitment, especially when life gets hard. It takes an openness and willingness to change what's not working and to grow to be the best version for yourself and for all your relationships.

Bill Simpson: 15:27

And now that I'm on this amazing path to love, I really feel it's my calling to pay it forward, and I have no regrets, only gratitude for all the lessons I learned from what didn't work in my relationships or marriages work in my relationships or marriages. And I'm truly grateful for all of my exes who were actually my teachers, even though I didn't know it at the time. I'm grateful for all the therapy, the mentors, the teachers and trainings I've had along the way to support me on my journey on my path to love, which has prepared me to help others on their path.

Bill Simpson: 16:05

Love after divorce is not only possible. It is there for you if you truly desire it and want it. And again, if I can do it, so can you. And in thinking about telling my story publicly, I have to tell you I was hesitant at first, and you know I'm a pretty open book and I've shared bits of my story on this podcast. But to feature myself for a whole episode felt like a stretch. And then I see this quote came up on this app called Insight Timer. It's a meditation app where I offer meditations and it's from Brene Brown. She's awesome. She says, quote owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we'll ever do. Unquote. And I was like damn man, I got to do it. I got to tell my story. So thank you for indulging in my story and I hope you got something out of it Now, whether you are divorced or going through a divorce and want to find your next relationship, or maybe you're just tired of suffering in your current relationship.

Bill Simpson: 17:18

Understand that you don't have to go through this alone. Be kind to yourself. Don't beat yourself up. Have patience and know that if you desire love and connection on a deep level, it is there for you. Just be willing and open to change, to be the best version of you, and I invite you to reach out to someone if not me anyone who can support you and what you're going through. I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for the support of others, and that will do it for this first episode of season four of the Men on the Path to Love podcast, bill's story finding love after divorce. I'm Bill Simpson, your host. Thanks for listening.

Bill Simpson: 18:04

Now coming up on the next episode of the Men on the Path to Love podcast, with the US government going through massive changes in a very short period of time and lots of uncertainty about the future, I'm noticing more and more people on edge, and already I'm starting to see the impact it's having on couples and families who may differ when it comes to their political views and ideologies, creating great divides. So what do you do? How do you respect your spouse or partner's different views while staying connected and maintaining harmony. It's a tough one. Please join me for the how to navigate political differences in relationship episode and if you're experiencing this this great divide that's going on and you'd like to share what works for you and your relationship, you can contact me through my homepage.

Bill Simpson: 18:57

I'd love to hear from you and if you'd like to set up a free, hour-long coaching session with me, please visit my website at menonthepathtolovecom. That's menonthepathtolovecom. Oh, and also I'm trying out something new this season and that is that I'm going to be offering a free live virtual event each week to talk about the topic of the podcast for that week. Now, this will be an opportunity for you to connect, to get some support, ask questions and hopefully we can build a community. I'd love to have you. All the details, including the time and the link to the call, will be in the show notes, and if you'd like for me to send you a link directly with a reminder, please email me at Bill at menonthepathtolovecom. Once again, Bill at menonthepathtolovecom. I look forward to seeing you and hey, until next time. Keep your heart open and stay on the path to love.