Navigating Political Differences in Relationship

The political divide in America has never felt more pronounced, and for some couples, those divisions have found their way into their relationships. What do you do when the person you love stands on the opposite side of the political spectrum? 

In this episode you'll hear Jack and Diane's story, and how political differences nearly destroyed their marriage. You'll also hear tips on how to handle those political differences in relationship. Check out the Navigating Political Differences in Relationship, episode.

Link > Beyond the Episode live Q&A Wednesday April 16th 7:00pm (EST):

Chapters

• 0:05 Episode Introduction
• 1:29 Jack and Diane's Political Divide
• 5:15 How Therapy Saved Their Marriage
• 8:09 Practical Tips for Political Differences
• 12:20 Next Episode Preview and Q&A Announcement

Transcript

Bill Simpson: 0:05

Hi and welcome to the Men on the Path to Love podcast, the Navigating Political Differences in Relationship episode. I'm Bill Simpson, your host. I coach men who are done suffering in their relationships, men who want deeper love, real connection and to finally feel like themselves again. I help them become the best version of themselves, for themselves and for their current relationship or the one they're ready to find so they can live the life they love. So unless you've been hiding under a rock, you know a whole lot of changes have been going on in politics recently. The political divide in the US is more notable than ever, at least in my lifetime anyway. So how do you handle being in a relationship where there is a political divide? Well, one of my listeners suggested I address the topic and I am here to oblige Now.

Bill Simpson: 1:04

Navigating these waters can be really tricky and challenging, and not for the weak at heart, I'd say. And for me. I'm happy to say that my wife and I are on the same page politically. As a matter of fact, all of my relationships had had that in common, so I've never had to deal with it. Personally, I can only imagine how hard it would be if my wife and I were on opposite sides of the political spectrum. Now my siblings and I, on the other hand, are on opposite sides politically. We just choose not to talk about it, and that seems to work for us, and I've had a few clients over the years where, as a couple, they had their political differences and yet they were able to get through it. I remember one client in particular. He was all about putting family first, and that's how he dealt with it. It's let's stick together for the family and for each other, and they figured out a way to deal with it. They were lucky.

Bill Simpson: 2:02

Now I'm going to share some ways to navigate political differences in relationship, but first to help illustrate how challenging it can be, I want to share a story about Jack and Diane Not their real names and no, this is not the John Mellencamp Jack and Diane. Anyway, jack and Diane met in 2008 at a local political fundraiser. They were both on the same page politically, which was really important to both of them, and it's what initially brought them together and was part of their bond. Both leaned towards the progressive side. They were all about community and social justice, but something shifted around 2015. You see, jack, after years of having an issue with certain economic policies and becoming more and more skeptical of big government, as he put it, decided to change his party affiliation.

Bill Simpson: 3:01

Now, diane didn't notice anything about it until she just happened to notice his new voter registration card that he had left on the dining room table. And, man, she couldn't believe it. And yet she said. She didn't say anything at first because she thought, well, maybe it's just like this midlife thing, you know, didn't give it a whole lot of thought. Yet eventually, when Trump was nominated, she felt like she had to say something. She thought for sure that he would change his mind after Trump got nominated, but he didn't. And Diane just couldn't understand how Jack could even consider supporting Trump, who, in her eyes, was the opposite of their shared political beliefs. And from Jack's perspective, he felt justified in his decision and he was annoyed with Diane's judging him about it. He felt like she didn't hear him when he said that his political views had simply evolved and that he wasn't going against their values. He was just seeing them from a different perspective.

Bill Simpson: 4:01

Well, needless to say, it was a challenging four years for both of them. They were arguing much more than they had in the past, and in 2020, when Biden was elected. The arguments continued. Sometimes they would go a week without talking to each other, and Diane was seriously wondering if she really knew the man she had married. And Jack, he was at the point of getting fed up, you know, always feeling judged and beat up emotionally. He was feeling alone and unsupported in his own home.

Bill Simpson: 4:34

Well, in 2024, after the whole Project 2025 news story came out about it mapping out all the major changes the Republicans had planned for the US government. Well, that's when the shit really hit the fan, and the two of them had a massive argument that shook them to the core and they were on the verge of divorce. A couple of days later, after they had calmed down, they both agreed to get some help and they went to see a marriage counselor. And do you want to know what saved the marriage? Well, it was one simple question that the therapist asked, and that was when did you stop being curious about each other? And they were like huh. And the therapist explained that what if it wasn't about politics or agreeing with each other, but rather being curious about why they believed what they believed? Well, what she said eventually sunk in, and it was a stretch for both of them, you know. But they went for it.

Bill Simpson: 5:40

And Jack opened up first and he shared about, you know, growing up in a blue-collar family that struggled during the recession and he feared for another recession and he felt like his old party had let him down to where he felt betrayed. And Diane opened up about her passion for equality and justice after witnessing so much injustice in her childhood neighborhood. And, with the help of the therapist, they both realized that they were holding on to pain and fear and the bottom line was they both wanted a better world. They just had different views on how to get there and, again with the therapist's help, they agreed to set up some boundaries and guidelines around their differences in their politics. One was no political conversations after eight o'clock at night and especially before bed. You know it can be really hard to get a good night's sleep if you're all riled up about politics and thinking you're right and they're wrong and all that. They agreed that if their conversations got really heated, that they would stop. They also agreed to having what they called listening sessions once a week where one talks and the other listens and vice versa, and they would only do this if needed. They needed to be heard and seen, and the big takeaway here was that they agreed to spend more time reconnecting over what they shared in common. You know their interest in hiking and cooking and movies and music things they like to do together hiking and cooking, and movies and music things they like to do together.

Bill Simpson: 7:19

Now, in 2024, they still didn't vote the same, they still disagree and it still gets really hard at times, especially for Diane, but they've agreed to disagree and found room for a deeper kind of intimacy, you know, one that was about understanding and not about having to agree, and that their love wasn't based on being on the same side of the ballot. It was about being on the same side of the relationship.

Bill Simpson: 7:51

Now, that's some serious love and commitment right there and, frankly, I know it would be a challenge for me and I'd be willing to go through the process and I think it would take a lot of hard work, and I think my wife would do the same. And I think the key would be to bring the focus back to the big picture of the relationship and if that's the priority and if you're willing to do the work around that, then I think it's certainly possible and more than likely probable that you're going to work out those differences, no matter what it is.

Bill Simpson: 8:28

Now, if you're not willing to do the work well, there might be some deeper stuff going on underneath the surface and that having those differences could be serving you at some level to keep some distance in the relationship. But I'm not going to get into all that. I digress. So what kind of work am I talking about here? Well, the work is about opening up and being willing to look at the big picture and take action to overcome the obstacle. I'm going to give you some tips to try out if you're trying to navigate these political differences in your relationship, or maybe you know someone who is and maybe you could pass these ideas along..

Bill Simpson: 9:09

I think the first thing to understand is how often our political views feel so personal. You know, we can get so emotionally charged around politics. That's why they say you know, avoid talking about religion and politics, right? Yeah, there's a reason for it, because when we identify so strongly around our political beliefs and how they're tied to our experiences, it can be really hard not to be emotionally charged or not to be in judgment or even think about seeing the other person's side and a lot of our sense of safety and freedom, and what's fair or not fair is all wrapped up in our political views or beliefs, and what can be helpful is differentiating between what is a core value and what's a political belief or ideology. So take in the case of Jack and Diane they had similar values, yet they had different views on how to connect those values politically. And, again, with the therapist's help, they took time to really listen and hear each other and they got an understanding of why they believed the way they did.

Bill Simpson: 10:23

And that's where that whole curiosity thing comes in. You know, when she asked the question, when did you stop being curious about each other? Yeah, so be curious instead of judgmental or being argumentative, and that curiosity can lead to you getting to know your partner better and hopefully bring you closer together. And looking at it through a broader, less personal lens can make all the difference, making it more neutral. You know which, in reality, it's really hard to do. You know we can get stubborn, we can dig our heels in and not budge, and that's when we lose sight of the big picture. You know the importance of the longevity of the relationship and just because you disagree doesn't mean you can't be with each other, and that's why it's so important to try to focus on what you share in common and the chances are there are a lot more things you agree on than disagree or shared activities that you both like to do and you'll want to create strong boundaries too, you know.

Bill Simpson: 11:31

Be clear and respectful about what is off limits or non-negotiable, and make sure you stick to it and see if you can navigate these differences with a positive mental attitude of hope and gratitude. And that means reframing your differences as a way to grow and understand each other better, versus focusing on the differences, and be grateful for the opportunity to grow and understand each other and make sure you have empathy for each other. That can go a long way, too, to help strengthen your relationship and build trust. It's all about respecting your differences and finding harmony within those differences. A good question to ask yourself is is it about arguing to win or be right, or communicating in order to connect? Again, you can disagree and still be connected. Take the high road and go for the connection okay, and again I get it. It can be a stretch, and yet it's so good for the long term of the relationship.

Bill Simpson: 12:42

Here's a quote I found from author Bell Hooks that I think, really captures the essence of what I'm saying. She says, "ove is an action, never simply a feeling. When political views threaten love, we must ask are we choosing power over connection or connection over power? Unquote Think about it

Bill Simpson: 13:08

And that will do it for this episode of the Men on the Path to Love podcast, the Navigating Political Differences in Relationship episode. My name is Bill Simpson. I thank you for listening.

Bill Simpson: 13:23

Now coming up on the next episode of the Men on the Path to Love podcast, I was in a session with one of my women clients recently who opened up about how social media was starting to take a serious toll on her relationship. She and her fiance were both constantly scrolling. She felt angry, unseen and, most importantly, disconnected more than ever and honestly, this is more common than you might think. So if you've ever felt like social media is getting in the way of connecting in your relationship or you know someone who's struggling with it, this episode is a must listen for you. Join me for the Influence of Social Media in Relationship episode and find out what you can do to feel connected again.

Bill Simpson: 14:09

Oh, and I've added a new feature as a part of the Men on the Path to Love podcast Last week. I called it the Q&A and I came up with a title for it. It's what I call Beyond the Episode, and this is where you have a chance to talk about and ask questions about the week's episode. I have a link to the recording of last week's episode in the show notes, as well as a link to the next live event that you can participate. It's all in the show notes and if you would like these links and a reminder of the event sent directly to your email inbox, simply contact me in the show notes or visit my website at menonthepathtolovecom or visit my website at menonthepathtolovecom. That's menonthepathtolovecom. Thank you, and until next time, keep your heart open and stay on the path to love.