The Influence of Social Media in Relationship

The seemingly innocent habit of scrolling social media while sitting next to your partner could be silently hurting your relationship. What was designed to connect us with the world is often disconnecting us from the people right beside us.  You'll hear Shawn & Giselle's story and how a strong three-year relationship began to fall apart when their social media use crept into their evening routines. They are not alone. 

I share both the negative and positive influence social media can have on our relationships. It's understanding that social media itself is not the problem – it's our unconscious relationship with it. Check out The Influence of Social Media in Relationship, episode.

Beyond the Episode Link:
Beyond the Episode Zoom Meeting
April 23, 2025 7:00 PM Eastern Time (US and Canada)
https://us06web.zoom.us/s/84579934846

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Social Media's Impact
• 2:01 Sean and Gazelle's Relationship Story
• 5:36 Setting Boundaries with Social Media
• 9:39 Positive Effects on Relationships
• 13:44 Finding Balance and Episode Preview

Transcript

Bill Simpson: 0:09

Hi and welcome to the Men on the Path to Love podcast the influence of social media in relationship episode. I'm Bill Simpson, your host. I coach men who are done suffering in relationships, men who want deeper love, real connection and to finally feel like themselves again. I help them become the best version of themselves for themselves and for their current relationship or the one they're ready to find, so they can live the life they love. Social

Bill Simpson: 0:52

So Man. It's such a part of our culture and daily lives and even as someone who's always had a resistance to social media, I still use it every day, mostly for my coaching business, and I do share some of my personal highlights from time to time. And it's also something I use to keep up with family and friends who are far away. And I can't lie, I've used it for entertainment and have caught myself doom scrolling more times than I'd like to admit. And that's what the algorithms are designed to d, Right, to keep serving us with more and more of what the algorithms say we like, that we want to see. Now I'm not here to bash social media. I'm just here to bring awareness to how it can impact us and, specifically, our relationships. I'll be talking about the positive aspects of social media as well as the negative aspects. The negative aspects, you know. It can be used to connect us or suddenly, over time, cause us to drift away from or avoid real connection, and it just depends on how we use it. Now, before I get into all that, I'm going to share Sean and Gazelle's story, not their real names.

Bill Simpson: 2:01

Giselle was a patient of mine in my clinical practice. She and her boyfriend, Shawn, had been together for about three years. For the most part, their relationship was pretty strong. They enjoyed each other's company, they laughed a lot and were respectful of each other, and they were at a time in their relationship where they were talking about the possibility of marriage and a future together. Well, there was just one thing that started to get in the way of their relationship. Can you guess what that is? Yeah, social media. Yeah. Well, it started out fine. You know. They would often share Instagram reels with each other mostly funny ones and Giselle had admitted to me that her doom scrolling had been a big life distraction for her, especially on her days off.

Bill Simpson: 2:51

Well, over time, she noticed that she and Shawn were both scrolling more in the evening, when they would normally be hanging out on the couch after dinner, they would have a show on the TV and be scrolling on their phones at the same time, and eventually it crept into their bedroom, you know, scrolling before going to sleep. Well Giselle was starting to feel the effects of her doom scrolling and she was working on trying to stop. It was hard because she was hooked. She admitted it, and she observed Shawn Sean seemed to be hooked too

Bill Simpson: 3:24

Well, gazelle approached Sean and told him how she Giselle , that she was Shawn disconnected, and she attributed it to how much time they were both spending on social media. She asked that they both make an effort to spend less time on social media and more time connecting with each other. She explained that there was a time Shawn when they would cuddle on Giselle just couch after dinner and watch a show, and Shawn they were spending that time on social media. Well, sean dismissed her concerns right away and Shawn he was like Giselle oh, you're overreacting. It's just social media, everybody does it, it's no big deal. Well, you could imagine how Gazelle must have felt. She felt invisible, like what she wanted didn't matter, and she was starting to question whether she really wanted a future with Sean

Bill Simpson: 4:15

.

Bill Simpson: 4:19

Well, one night it came to a head when Gazelle happened to notice that Sean was on Instagram looking at posts from a woman he dated in college who is now a big yoga influencer. Well, gazelle was furious and was like no wonder you don't want to stop social media. You're getting off looking at your ex. And Sean got all defensive and Gazelle just stormed out of the room. And at that point Sean knew he was in deep shit. The next morning, after reflecting on what had happened, sean apologized to Gazelle and told her that it was wrong of him to be looking at his ex on Instagram and that he was just curious. He assured her that he wanted nothing to do with his ex, said that she was always self-centered and it didn't surprise him that she was an influencer. And Gazelle did feel some kind of way, but she wasn't as concerned about his ex as she was about the big picture. You know Sean not seeing how being on social media had gotten in the way of their connection. Well, this time he got it and he agreed to back off social media.

Bill Simpson: 5:28

When Gazelle shared this with me, I could see how relieved she was in one hand and yet she wasn't quite sure what to do. Moving forward, you know how to make the adjustment. And yet she wasn't quite sure what to do. Moving forward, you know how to make the adjustment, so I offered her a few ideas. I suggested that they pick a time where they both agreed to no social media, like between the hours of

Bill Simpson: 5:51

I don't know 8 pm to Shawn am, Giselle and go back Shawn what Giselle Giselle used to Shawn do in the evening, you know, cuddle on the couch and watch a show where they felt present with each other. And then I suggested that, before they go to sleep, to offer each other three appreciations, something that I talk a lot about on this podcast, right.

Bill Simpson: 6:08

Well, the next time we met, she Shawn so Giselle to inform me that it worked. She said they agreed to no scrolling between 7 pm and 8 am and that they were doing the three appreciations. She said that they were having deeper conversations now. They were connecting and laughing more, truly enjoying each other's company. She also said that they both agreed that if either of them started to feel disconnected, that they would talk about it and not scroll. Them started to feel disconnected, that they would talk about it and not scroll. Now they still use social media, yet they have learned to keep their use in check, holding themselves individually accountable and accountable to each other.

Bill Simpson: 6:53

So this is a pretty clear example of how scrolling on social media can influence a relationship negatively, and they're not alone. I hear it a lot in my practice and I've witnessed it myself. Now I'm going to recap and share how social media can have that negative impact on a relationship and give you some ways to handle it, and I'm also going to give you the good news on how social media may actually benefit your relationship. All right, so let's look at it through the lens of what Sean and Gazelle went through. There was the emotional disconnection. Right, they were together physically, but emotionally they were involved in their scrolling in their social media. So on the surface it may seem like you know they were involved in their scrolling in their social media. So on the surface it may seem like they were together in the same room, but emotionally there was no connection going on at all. And that's what can happen when you allow yourself to be distracted by social media. It's going from being actively present with each other to passively scrolling. So what do you do about it? Well, like with Sean and Gazelle, it's about setting a boundary with how much you're using social media, how much time you spend scrolling and in their case they decided between 7 pm and 8 am. Another thing you can do that can help you feel connected is to do what's called and I didn't know about this until I did the research a scroll swap, and a scroll swap is when you share your feed with each other for maybe like five minutes and then talk about it. It's a way to get to understand each other's world of social media. So, scroll swap, okay.

Bill Simpson: 8:37

Another issue that came up with Sean and Gazelle is the jealousy piece when Gazelle caught Sean looking at posts from his ex being secretive with your scrolling and messaging, having hidden friendships online or even micro cheating like sexting, for example. You know you're not physically cheating, but you are mentally or emotionally. It's taking a big risk that could lead to losing trust in your relationship and with that, it's important to be transparent with your social media interactions. You know have clear mutual boundaries of what's appropriate or not appropriate and (hint to . . And that again, mutual boundaries of what's appropriate or not appropriate and stick to them. And that again mutual. You both agree. Make sure you both feel safe and respected by the other, and part of that can be making sure to clear up any confusing posts that may be vague or hard to interpret or they may come across as insensitive to your spouse or partner and, although this wasn't the case for Sean and Gazelle, make sure you're not putting something online in a passive-aggressive way, like saying it online instead of being direct in person. So be direct and remember what you say online could impact your relationship.

Bill Simpson: 9:54

And another thing that wasn't an issue with Sean and Gazelle, but it is an issue that I see a lot, and that's when you start to compare yourself or your relationship with others online. You know like, why don't we look like that happy couple? You know it's a slippery slope man and I'm telling you most people. You know they're putting out their happy stuff online and what we don't see is what's on the other side or behind the curtain. You know, behind closed doors. And this comparison trap can lead to resentment. It can lead to doubting yourself and even put more pressure on your relationship to try to be unrealistically perfect quote-unquote right, and make sure that you delete or stop following any account that makes you feel insecure in your relationship. It's not worth it. And if you do get triggered, give yourself a reality check that they're only putting out their happy, good stuff, and that they have issues too, you know, behind their closed doors. So keep that in mind. Okay, so that's some of how social media can negatively influence relationships, and you may have more, but that's a good start to be aware of.

Bill Simpson: 11:12

Now I'm going to show you some ways that social media can positively impact your relationship. And I'm going to show you some ways that social media can positively impact your relationship. And I'm going to start with what I find myself doing often, and that is posting about certain life events or milestones, like birthdays or anniversaries, stuff like that. And I know that my wife appreciates it when I post a reflection about us on our anniversary or something about her on her birthday, and I also appreciate it when she does the same for me, and seeing the positive public reactions feels good too. And you just want to make sure that your public acknowledgement of your spousal partner is not a substitute for what you need to say in private. You know, if you're just doing it for public and not really doing it in your relationship, then the connection is kind of lost there. And it's also important to check in with your spouse or partner to see what content they would prefer to be private rather than public, so that you're both clear that you're not violating each other's boundaries.

Bill Simpson: 12:15

Another thing is the fun element of social media. You know I mentioned it earlier. You know sharing memes and reels that make us laugh. You know it lets us know that you know we're thinking about each other when we're not together, and the same thing goes for, say, an inspirational quote or maybe a way we can grow, or an article that we can discuss later. Maybe it's following content creators that promote real and authentic relationships, or it could be sharing a podcast like Men on the Path to Love Hint hint.

Bill Simpson: 12:51

Another positive aspect of social media could be if you're in a long-distance relationship, or, say, if one of you travels a lot for work. It's a way to stay connected. You know posting pictures and things that you're doing while they're away. It can be a way to feel that you're still taking part in each other's lives, and it's also a way to share memories of when you were together. You can make your responses more personal. Rather than just liking a post, you know you could send a DM or even a voice note with a thoughtful response. So there you go, a few examples of how you can use social media to positively influence your relationship. And again, I'm sure you may have some other ideas as well.

Bill Simpson: 13:35

Just remember the bottom line here is that social media itself is not the problem. Yeah, it is designed to keep us scrolling and involved, but it's how we use it that makes the difference. If we use it in a conscious way, we can create a balance with it and use it to our benefit. The problem comes in when we are not conscious of our use and we allow it to consume us to the point where we lose connection with ourselves and, ultimately, with the ones we love. You know your relationship has to be more than post reels and emojis, right? If you use social media as a tool in a more positive, conscious way, then it is less likely to threaten the intimacy of your relationship. So I invite you to share this podcast with your spouse or partner and have an honest talk about how social media is impacting your relationship and make a mutual decision about how you want to move forward and how you use it. Alright, I've got a quote for you from author and former monk Jay Shetty. It leans towards the negative side and yet I think it's on point. He says, and on that note, I will bring this episode of the Men on the Path to Love podcast to an end. The Influence of Social Media in Relationship episode. I'm Bill Simpson, your host. Thank you so much for listening.

Bill Simpson: 15:18

Now coming up on the next episode of the Men on the Path to Love podcast, with this episode being released on Easter Monday, right in the heart of the spring season and spiritual celebrations like Ramadan, passover, holi and the spring equinox, I felt called to explore something deeper the role of spirituality in relationship. I'll share a bit of my own journey and the story of Joe and Mary, whose shared spiritual beliefs have been a source of strength and connection in their marriage. Whether you're religious, spiritual or still trying to figure it all out, this episode is about how finding something greater than yourselves together can deepen love and bring more meaning to your relationship. Please join me for the Role of Spirituality in Relationship how Shared Beliefs Can Enhance your Connection episode, and remember to join. Please join me for the role of spirituality in relationship how shared beliefs can enhance your connection episode. And remember to join me for my live beyond the episode.

Bill Simpson: 16:15

For this week's episode, the influence of social media in relationship you will find the zoom link in the show notes and if you would like to get a reminder and an invite delivered to your inbox, you can contact me from the show notes or, better yet, go to my website. You can contact me from there and sign up for a free one hour coaching session with me. That's at men on the path to love dot com. Thank you so much for listening and until next time, keep your heart open and stay on the path to love.