The Fun Factor: How How Playing Together Helps You Stay Together

Remember the laughs that came so easily between you and your partner? The joy that made you feel alive, connected, and reminded you why you chose each other in the first place? If those moments have become rare, you're not alone.

In this episode, I share Tom & Angel's story, and how their everyday stress and responsibilities gradually took its toll on their connection until they found themselves in a rut.  Finding fun again changed everything. This isn't just a feel-good story. Science actually backs up the power of play in relationships, showing that couples who regularly play and have fun together report higher satisfaction and are more likely to stay together for the long-term.

Discover how playing more and having fun can benefit your relationship. Check out The Fun Factor: How Playing Together Helps You Stay Together, episode.

Links:

Beyond the Episode LIVE Wednesday June 9th, 7:00pm Eastern US/Canada

Beyond the Episode Replay on YouTube

Chapters

• 0:16 Introduction to The Fun Factor
• 1:52 Tom and Angel's Relationship Story
• 5:40 Research on Play in Relationships
• 8:56 Why Couples Lose Their Fun
• 9:29 Bringing Play Back Into Relationships
• 12:15 Upcoming Episode and Call to Action
• 15:00 Episode Conclusion

Transcript

Bill Simpson: 0:16

Hi and welcome to the Men on the Path to Love podcast. The fun factor how playing together helps you stay together episode. I'm Bill Simpson, your host. I coach men who are done suffering in their relationships, men who want deeper love, real connection, and to finally feel like themselves again. I help them become the best version of themselves, for themselves and for their current relationship or the one they're ready to find, so they can live the life they love.

Bill Simpson: 0:53

All right, so let's be real. When was the last time you and your partner or spouse really laughed together? And I'm not talking about, you know, a little snicker or a polite chuckle, you know, but that deep belly laughter that reminds you of the fun you used to have and why you chose each other in the first place. Well, today I'm going to talk about the power of fun in relationship and why play matters more than you think and how it could be the secret sauce to keeping love alive. Now I get really silly at times and I make my wife laugh. And, man, when life gets too serious, we remind each other to have fun, you know, and we do have genuine fun with each other, and it definitely helps us feel closer and connected, and there's research to back this up and I'm going to get into that research. But first I want to share a story about a couple I worked with and I'll call them Tom and Angel, not their real names.

Bill Simpson: 2:02

Angel was a clinical patient of mine. She came in one day and told me she was feeling more and more distant from her partner Tom. You know she said they got along fine, you know, no big arguments, no real drama or anything. But she said something was missing. She was like we're just in a rut. She said that both of them were busy with work and in the evenings they'd be in the same room but kind of off into their own worlds, you know, scrolling on their phones, doing their own thing. And when they watched TV together it was always the news or political commentary or serious documentaries.

Bill Simpson: 2:47

And as Angel described the day-to-day of their relationship, I was like, hmm, are you two having any fun? And she paused and said no. And she added that Tom had gotten so serious and she said it was like the fun wasn't even on the table anymore. So I suggested she approach Tom with some ideas, some simple, playful ways to reconnect and just to enjoy each other again. And she said she tried, but Tom wasn't very interested. Each other again, and she said she tried, but Tom wasn't very interested, said he was too busy, too tired, overwhelmed by work and state of the world and all that. Well, that's when I suggested to Angel, you know, if Tom was open to bring him in and let's talk about it, and Tom did agree it.

Bill Simpson: 3:49

And Tom did agree, and as he walked into my office he came in with this big smile on his face and it turns out that he found out that I was a co-host on a popular morning show he used to listen to and he said man, you guys used to make me laugh every day. You had so much fun day, you had so much fun. And at that moment I decided to seize the moment and I looked at him and asked Tom, I said, are you having any fun now? And he paused and was like you know, not really you know. And then he joked and said not, since you guys have been off the air. Well, I asked him to tell me more and he talked about, you know, the stress of his work, the heaviness of the political situation, the constant pressure to keep up with everything. And he said somewhere along the way. He just kind of lost his joy, you know, not that he was depressed, but he just wasn't feeling a whole lot of joy, even with Angel.

Bill Simpson: 4:48

So I invited them to do a simple exercise. I had them face each other and the rule was no talking, just looking into each other's eyes. At first they were kind of stiff, you know, uncomfortable, it was obvious. Then Angel made a silly face and Tom cracked a smile and gave her one back. And, man, at that moment it felt like magic because they both busted out laughing man, I mean full-blown belly laughs. And Angel was snorting, you know, and they were both hysterical and so much so that I had to laugh too. It was contagious. And then Angel started to cry and she looked at Tom and said I miss you, I miss us, I miss the fun. And Tom had tears in his eyes too and he said I do too. And that broke the ice and from there the walls started to come down.

Bill Simpson: 5:54

We talked about how important play is, not just for kids, not just for date night, but for the day-to-day health of a relationship, but for the day-to-day health of a relationship. And I gave them some homework, not to do any processing, not try to analyze anything, but just to have some fun and laugh. And I gave them some suggestions, you know, like send each other funny memes or social media reels, or to watch a comedy instead of news all the time, or maybe just have a fun spontaneous date out of nowhere, or text each other silly emojis to lighten up the day. You know that kind of thing and you know what they actually did it. And the next time I saw Angel, she said hey, Bill, we're laughing again and I feel like I have my husband back. And she told me that Tom said to thank me that it was like he remembered who they really are when they're not weighed down by everything else, all the stress that they put on themselves, and I was blown away.

Bill Simpson: 7:07

Now, I love telling that story. It's just a classic example of how easy it can be to shift when you bring in a little fun into the mix. And And here is where the research comes in to back it up, even though it makes sense to me that having fun is good for relationships, right? Well, allow me to indulge Now. I didn't know this, but there's actually a Journal of American Play. I had no idea. Anyway, this journal linked adult playfulness with better emotional management and greater relationship satisfaction. According to research published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, couples who regularly engage in shared leisure activities report higher relationship satisfaction. Another study found that fun and playfulness can reduce conflict and increase relationship quality. Laughter and lighthearted moments help couples to navigate tough times There' There's research from Dr Arthur Aaron's work on self-expanding activities. It shows that engaging in new or exciting experiences together creates a sense of closeness and refreshes attraction. And finally, longitudinal studies, meaning research done over a period of time showed that couples who maintain playful interactions like inside jokes and games and spontaneous activities and stuff like that are more likely to stay together and report higher happiness over time. So you get the idea right, okay. So why does it happen that a lot of couples lose that fun? Well, like with Tom and Angel, you know life gets busy or life gets too serious. Sometimes the excuse is I'm tired. And then there's the dreaded we've grown apart. And with that can come emotional disconnect, of course, resentment or God forbid contempt the relationship killer.

Bill Simpson: 9:25

r research research research how do you bring fun and play back into your relationship? Well, one way to do it is to think about a time the two of you had fun. Maybe it was early on in your dating stages, before you had kids, or even recently, just a time you really had fun. Think about it and reminisce a little bit there and make sure when you do this, start small and don't try to force it. You know, just start with something playful, like an inside joke, like I said, sending each other funny memes or reels or even some light teasing.

Bill Simpson: 10:06

But just make sure that your teasing isn't hurtful. You know, sometimes teasing can be passive, aggressiveaggressive and that can create hurt feelings and a disconnect. So be careful with your teasing. Another thing to do is to try something new together. You know it could be a new hobby maybe learn line dancing or a new hiking trail or a new hiking trail, trivia night game night, stuff like that and make room for unstructured time and this unstructured time means it's not about getting anything done except for having fun, whatever that means for the both of you. And that can be really hard if your calendar is packed right. So give yourself permission and know that it's okay Not only that it's okay, it's really important in your relationship and give yourself some grace as you navigate it all right and by all means make sure you don't take yourself so seriously.

Bill Simpson: 11:16

You know I mean with the teasing that's a fine line, sometimes like, oh, you're so sensitive and can't you take a joke, don't be so serious, and there's the danger of that. But there's also the truth in it, like, come on, look, we're not here to hurt each other, we're're just having fun. And if you step over the line a little bit, then apologize and keep going. But, like I said, give yourself permission to have fun. Let your playful inner child come out and play. You know, take a break from adulting sometimes and just have fun. Watch kids, man. They just have fun and even make sex more fun through lightness and laughter I mean laughing together, especially after you had a great time making love.

Bill Simpson: 12:06

Man, it can create such a deeper connection. It really does so. Remember this fun aggressive, laughter equals intimacy. And when we, as men, allow ourselves to relax, to be silly and let our joy come out, we are actually being vulnerable. Yeah, it's a form of vulnerability, and vulnerability is the glue that holds relationships together. Think about it Now.

Bill Simpson: 12:40

This week I want you to try something. See if you can find just one simple thing to bring fun back into your relationship. Maybe it's planning something unexpected and be the guy who brings laughter in the room. All right, okay, my quote this week comes from fellow podcaster and he's also an we're and coach, Jay Shetty. He says quote relationships last, not because they were destined to, but because two people made a choice to keep it fun, to keep showing up and to keep laughing.. I love it and, yeah, that's going to do it. That's going to bring this episode of the Men on the Path to Love podcast to an end. The fun factor how playing together helps you stay together episode. I'm Bill Simpson, your host. Thank you so much for listening.

Bill Simpson: 13:39

Now coming up on the next episode of the Men on the Path to Love podcast, with Father's Day coming up here in the US, and since I covered the mother wound near Mother's Day, I'm going to talk about how a man's experience with his father whether he was present or absent, loving, distant, whatever how his experience with his father impacts his emotional availability, self-worth and connection in his relationships. Please join me for the Father Factor How Your Relationship With your Dad Shapes the Way You Love" episode. An

Bill Simpson: 14:16

And if you would like to join in on a discussion about this week's episode, please join me for Beyond the Episode, live Wednesdays at 7 pm Eastern. You'll find the Zoom link in the show notes as well as the YouTube link for the replay. In case you can't join us live, and if you're struggling at all in your relationship, know that I am here to support you.

Bill Simpson: 14:40

I offer a free one-hour coaching session to talk about anything you need support with, and I say this all the time. Often, all it takes is one session to get you back on track. Simply go to my website, menonthepathtolove. com. You can sign up right there on my homepage. Look, don't suffer another minute and sign up for that free coaching session and remember until next time, keep your heart open and stay on the path to love.