The Healed Man's Journey: How Healing Yourself Changes Everything in Relationship

The wounds we carry from our past don't just disappear when we enter relationships—they shape how we love, communicate, and show up for our partners. What makes a healed man different from a broken one isn't that he is without wounds, but how he responds to them. 

In this episode, I explore how unresolved trauma creates patterns that repeat themselves in our closest connections and what you can do to be a healed man in your relationship. Check out The Healed Man's Journey: How Healing Yourself Changes Everything in Relationship, episode.

Link:

Beyond the Episode

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to the Healed Man's Path
• 1:04 Personal Healing Journey After Trauma
• 3:33 Broken vs. Healed Men in Relationships
• 4:55 Megan's Story: Finding a Healed Partner
• 8:15 Self-Reflection and Path Forward
• 10:35 Next Episode Preview and Closing

Transcript

Bill Simpson: 0:14

Hi and welcome to the man on the Path to Love podcast, the healed man's path how healing yourself changes everything in relationship episode. I'm Bill Simpson, your host. I coach men who are done suffering in their relationships, men who want deeper love, real connection and to finally feel like themselves again. I help them become the best version of themselves, for themselves and for their current relationship or the one they're ready to find so they can live the life they love.

Bill Simpson: 0:51

Now, this is a topic that is close to my heart because I've walked this path myself and I know what it's like to be both the broken man and the man who's committed to healing. My own healing journey began when I finally faced the truth of my childhood wounds. I was abandoned by my mother at the age of eight and she died when I was 13,. Never saw her in between, and that trauma shaped how I showed up in relationships.

Bill Simpson: 1:20

For decades I carried a deep fear of abandonment into every relationship and it sabotaged them, and after going through divorce I knew something had to change. I began therapy. I did some inner work you know self-reflection learned about different spiritual practices, did a lot of trainings and I looked at my past relationship patterns and how I was hiding, the ways I would shut down and the ways I would avoid being vulnerable, the things I was once afraid of, you You know, know to be vulnerable without shame, to be empathetic and compassionate, to communicate mindfully instead of reactively, to stop repeating old patterns of fear and start building new patterns of love.

Bill Simpson: 2:20

That journey didn't just change me. It changed how I show up in my marriage now, and it's the reason my wife and I have been happily married for almost 17 years. And does that mean I'm perfect and don't struggle at times? Absolutely not. I just respond in a whole different way, and research backs this up. Studies have shown that secure attachment you know, the ability to regulate emotions, express needs and respond with empathy is the foundation of healthy love.

Bill Simpson: 2:57

But the thing is, men who don't do the work to heal often show what's called insecure attachment, and this can look like avoidance, controlling behaviors or emotional volatility. And, without healing, past traumas or dysfunction just keep showing up in present relationships. And then we wonder why we keep attracting the same type of people when in reality it could be because you haven't worked on healing your own

Bill Simpson: 3:31

shit

Bill Simpson: 3:31

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Bill Simpson: 3:33

So what's the difference between a Megan healed man and a broken man? Well, it may seem obvious, but a broken man hides behind his anger, his pride or his need to be in control. He's afraid to be vulnerable. He gaslights or manipulates to avoid his own insecurity and he leaves his partner feeling unseen, unsafe and basically unloved. Now, a healed man knows he has wounds, but he doesn't let them run the show. He communicates honestly, he takes responsibility for his actions and he creates safety in relationship by being fully present, by offering empathy and being compassionate. And look, a healed man isn't perfect by all means. As I said, no one is but he's self-aware, he's committed to his growth and he doesn't pass his pain on to his partner. A healed man doesn't wipe away all that's happened to him. It's just knowing how to respond to it and taking ownership and responsibility for himself.

Bill Simpson: 4:55

I think of my friend, megan not her real name and I think about how she discovered the difference between a broken man and a healed man. Megan had been in a toxic relationship with a broken man. In a toxic relationship with a broken man, things were great at first, but then she soon discovered that he was narcissistic, he was gaslighting, he was insecure and very controlling and over time, the mental and emotional abuse just wore her down. She became a shell of her once happy-go-lucky self. She wasn't the same person I remembered and finally she hit bottom. She realized that she couldn't keep losing herself in her relationship and she made the courageous decision to leave.

Bill Simpson: 5:52

And after that, for years she focused on her healing. She went to therapy, did a lot of workshops, did a lot of self-reflection and worked on rebuilding her identity. She wanted to become whole again before she even considered dating. Well, one Saturday morning at a farmer's market she bumped into Harry not his real name. They struck up a conversation over the size of the avocados and she found this guy kind. He was a little shy but noticed that he was very grounded and on impulse she asked him if he wanted to grab a coffee and he agreed and they ended up talking for hours..

Bill Simpson: 6:44

She learned that Harry had also been through his own healing journey going through a broken marriage. He went through years of therapy, did some deep personal growth and he wasn't even looking to date either. But their connection was undeniable and Megan quickly saw that Harry was different. He listened, he was emotionally present. He was emotionally present, he had boundaries, self-respect and he showed compassion. Harry had become a healed man and Harry could see, megan was a healed woman, and that was over 10 years ago. And today they're still together, thriving and building a life from a foundation of being whole, not broken, and I've got to say that their story isn't so unusual. I've heard it over and over the same type of story. It's almost my story too, and relationship psychology research shows that when both partners bring secure attachment and emotional availability to the table, the conflict doesn't disappear. They don't stop having arguments, but it does become manageable and it becomes an opportunity for growth rather than destroying the relationship. Rather than destroying the relationship. You see, healing transforms relationships because it breaks the cycle of the old patterns and, instead of passing down pain, healed men and women pass down love, respect and emotional safety in the relationship.

Bill Simpson: 8:32

Now I'm going to ask you to be honest with yourself. Are you showing up as the healed man in your relationship or the broken man? Think about that, and it's not about judgment. Just think about what you're bringing to the table in your relationship and think about what old wounds are still shaping how you communicate, how you argue, or that you shut down. And think about what would change if you made healing yourself your number one priority to your partner. What a gift that be, h uh? Think about it, journal about it, see what comes up for you.

Bill Simpson: 9:16

And you know, again the truth is, the path of the healed man isn't about perfection. I really want to stress that. It's about progress. It's about choosing to face your past instead of bearing it, and choose to grow instead of staying stuck. Because healing yourself changes everything in relationship. Because when you heal, when you stop hiding and stop hurting and you finally start loving in the way you've always wanted to, then loving yourself first and bringing that healed man to your relationship oh man, it's an amazing thing. All right, my quote of the week comes from the famous psychologist Carl Jung, and see if you can make sense of this. He says, " Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call fate." It will direct your life and you will call it fate unquote.

Bill Simpson: 10:26

Yeah, man, I mean it's time to stop letting those old, unconscious, old wounds run your life and start walking the healed man's path. And if you're ready to step onto your own path to healing, then subscribe to this podcast, join my email list and check out the resources I have for you at menonthepathtolovecom. And that's a wrap for this episode of the Men on the Path to Love podcast, the Healed Man's Path how Healing Yourself Changes Everything In Relationship episode, I'm Bill Simpson, your host Thanks for listening.

Bill Simpson: 11:04

Now coming up on the next episode of the Men on the Path to Love podcast, one of the things my wife and I connect around is our cats, lily and Kiki. My wife and I went without any kind of pet for years and we did great. But when we decided to adopt Lily and Kiki, I had no idea how much richer our lives would be. How much richer our lives would be. They're like our kids, man. So I got to thinking how much pets can bring to a relationship. So I got to thinking you know, this might be a good topic because I see how much pets can bring to a relationship.. So please join me for the Pets pets and Partnerships partnerships the Role role of Pets pets in Relationship, relationship episode.

Bill Simpson: 11:58

And if this podcast speaks to you, then please share it with another man who's on his healing journey and share the link to this podcast and share the love. And until next time, keep your heart open and stay on the path to . love

Bill Simpson: 12:13

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