Game On: The Impact of Sports On Relationships

Ever found yourself choosing between watching the game and spending quality time with your partner? You're not alone. In this episode, I explore how sports obsession can impact relationships and show the delicate balance between the passion of sports and relationship.

I tell the story of Keith and Nicole, and how Keith's obsession with sports  strained their relationship to the breaking point. Keith's journey shows something many men experience but few discuss openly – how sports can serve as a comfortable way to hide from the vulnerability that's vital in intimate relationships.

I share the plus and minuses and the stats on how sports can impact relationships. Ready to create a winning strategy for your relationship? This episode is your playbook for success. Check out the Game On: The Impact of Sports On Relationships, episode.

Link:

Beyond the Episode

Chapters

• 0:14 Introduction: Sports and Relationships
• 1:32 Keith and Nicole: A Cautionary Tale
• 4:21 Positive Impacts of Sports on Relationships
• 7:00 The Dark Side of Sports Obsession
• 8:56 Finding Balance and Next Episode Preview

Transcript

Bil Simpson: 0:14

Hi and welcome to the Men on the Path to Love podcast, the Game On the Impact of Sports on Relationships episode. I'm Bill Simpson, your host. I coach men who are done suffering in their relationships, men who want deeper love, real connection and to finally feel like themselves again. I help them become the best version of themselves, for themselves and for their current relationship or the one they're ready to find, so they can live the life they love.

Bil Simpson: 0:49

So here in the US at the time of this recording, we're heading into the fourth week of the NFL football season. Major League Baseball is winding down the regular season, heading towards the playoffs, and with that I got to thinking about how sports can impact relationships, and I'm a sports fan myself. I've played, I've watched, I've rooted hard for my favorite teams and you know sports can be really exciting, it can unite us and can even be healing. But, like anything, when there's an imbalance, sports can become more than just a pastime. They can become an obsession, and that obsession can drive a wedge between partners.

Bil Simpson: 1:32

In this episode I'm going to explore both the positive and negative sides, but first I want to share a story about a couple I'll call Keith and Nicole, not their real names. Keith had loved sports since he was around eight years old. He played from that time all the way through high school and as an adult he never lost his passion Football, basketball, baseball, hockey, you name it. Keith was all in. He listens to sports radio, he watches ESPN, he checks his apps for scores and hardly ever missed a game. And Nicole liked sports too. In fact, that's how they connected when they first met.

Bil Simpson: 2:16

But as time went on, she noticed something that their relationship was taking a back seat to sports. Whenever she suggested doing something together, keith would respond with there's a game. At first she went along with it, but eventually it got old. Nicole began to feel less like a partner and more like competition for Keith's attention. Finally she laid down an ultimatum. She told him it's me or the games, and Keith got all defensive and told her that she was overreacting. And Nicole took that as him choosing sports over her and she threatened to leave. And when Keith brought this to me, I asked him one simple question Do you want to still be with Nicole? And he paused and said I don't want to lose her. And that became our starting point.

Bil Simpson: 3:15

So the first thing we worked on was having empathy for Nicole. I had Keith step into Nicole's shoes. You know to imagine how it felt to always come in second to a game or to sports, right To feel invisible or to feel dismissed. And that this wasn't about blaming him, it was about understanding her experience and naturally he got all defensive at first, but finally he took it in and through our work together Keith started to realize that his obsession wasn't just about loving sports.

Bil Simpson: 3:54

It was also a way of avoiding vulnerability in the relationship. You know, to Keith sports were safe. You know they were predictable and familiar to him. Working on his relationship Not so much. It was unfamiliar territory. The idea that it required him to show up fully, risking discomfort and letting himself be seen Well, that just scared the shit out of him.

Bil Simpson: 4:22

And with this new awareness, as hard as it was to take in, keith agreed to work on shifting from defaulting to sports first to choosing his relationship first, and that meant setting limits on how much time he spent watching and being involved in sports and also being intentional about planning non-sports activities with Nicole. Was it easy? Hell, no, breaking patterns, rarely is. It's hard work, man. But over time Keith did find balance. He still enjoyed his games, but Nicole no longer felt like she was competing with them. By choosing his relationship first, sports became something that they could share in moderation, instead of something that divided them, and that balance made all the difference in keeping their relationship going strong.

Bil Simpson: 5:21

Now again, I'll be the first to admit I love sports. I love the competition, the strategy and the energy of a good game. But over the years I've learned that sports should enhance life, not replace it. So let's take a look at the positive and negative aspects of sports and relationship, and I'll start with the good news, all right. Research shows that shared leisure activities and that would include watching or playing sports together can boost relationship satisfaction. And according to the Journal of Leisure Research, I had no idea that was a thing, but anyway. According to this journal, couples who engage in enjoyable activities together report higher intimacy and overall satisfaction in their partnership.

Bil Simpson: 6:14

Research also says that sports can provide a sense of community and bonding. I think of tailgating when I think of that. Shared rituals that create a tradition, opportunities to teach kids about teamwork and resilience, and cheering for the same team can feel like a glue that bonds you together. Yeah, man, I mean being from Philly. My wife and I were ecstatic when the Eagles won the Super Bowl last year and they didn't just win, man, they dominated, and it just brought a lot of joy, as you can imagine. So that's the good stuff, okay, but unfortunately there's a flip side to all this.

Bil Simpson: 7:00

When sports dominates the relationship, it can cause problems, like I shared with Keith and Nicole's story, and research has found that when one partner prioritizes hobbies or obsessions over the relationship, the other partner often feels neglected. And here's a sobering statistic that always bothers me Studies show that incidents of domestic violence increase significantly after major sporting events, especially when a home team loses.

Bil Simpson: 7:32

For example, the research says that upset losses when the home team loses unexpectedly, are correlated with approximately 10% in domestic violence reports, and that's according to the National Institutes of Health. And one UK study found that domestic violence reports increased by 38% when England lost a World Cup match and by 26% even when they won. And a lot of what contributes to that is emotional stress, alcohol consumption and gambling, and especially all those together, and it just shows how unprocessed emotions you know frustration, anger, disappointment, all that can spill over into relationships in destructive ways. And it isn't just about violence, though. Even without aggression, like I said, unchecked sports obsession can lead to emotional disconnection, a lack of trust and reduced intimacy.

Bil Simpson: 8:40

So here's what I'd like for you to take away from this Sports aren't the problem. The problem is when sports or any hobby, job or distraction becomes a way of avoiding connection. And if you're listening right now and thinking, uh-oh, maybe that's me. Well, ask yourself am I using sports to connect or to avoid? If my partner asked me to turn off the game, would I choose my partner without resentment? And what does balance look like in my life and what would it take to create it? Look, relationships thrive when they come first. Sports can be a great addition, but they should never be a substitution or come in second. And that's going to have to do it for my quote for this week because, frankly, I couldn't find one that fit. But hopefully you got the message.

Bil Simpson: 9:41

And that will do it for another episode of the Men on the Path to Love podcast, the Game On the Impact of Sports on Relationships episode. My name is Bill Simpson. Thank you for listening.

Bil Simpson: 9:56

Now coming up next time on the Men on the Path to Love podcast. . Over the years I've noticed that when I ask men in my practice how they're doing, they usually come right out and say I'm fine, and I'm saying to myself, well, if you're fine, you wouldn't be here, right? Well, I do eventually say it to them, but not so bluntly, and I got to be honest, I'm guilty of responding that way too, and the point is that it's not our fault. It's how we've been conditioned that, no matter what we're going through, we say we're fine or otherwise, we look weak, right? Well, I learned the hard way that just being fine doesn't cut it in relationship. It's about being real.

Bil Simpson: 10:42

Please join me for the Stop Pretending to Be Fine and Start being Real in Relationship episode. And if this episode spoke to you in any way, please share it with a sports fan you think needs to hear it, or anyone else you think of. Share the link to this podcast and share the love and look if you're ready to stop struggling and start building the relationship you really want. I'm here to help you. Just go to my website, menonthepathtolove. com to learn more. And, as always, until next time, keep your heart open and stay on the path to love.