More Than Words: The Power of Touch and Nonverbal Communication in Relationship

What if the strongest words in your relationship are the ones you never say? In this episode, I explore the quiet language of touch, eye contact, and being present—and why these signals often build trust and safety more effectively than any perfectly crafted sentence. 

I share the story of Jamie and Claire and how they turned their traumatic histories into a marriage anchored in consent and gentleness. I share research that shows the power of affectionate touch in relationships, and some everyday practices you can use.

I also name the darker side of how unwanted touch, mixed signals, and surface affection can break down trust, and why a distracted hug can sometimes hurt more than no hug at all. 

You’ll get a simple, practical framework for building intimacy through being present: consent first, attention always, and being real over routine. Check out the More Than Words The Power of Touch and Nonverbal Communication in Relationship, episode.

Link:

Beyond the Episode

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome and Episode Focus
• 0:41 Personal Story: Power of Small Gestures
• 2:09 Why Nonverbal Often Speaks Louder
• 2:09 Research and Jamie–Claire Story
• 4:36 Science of Touch and Attachment
• 6:00 The Shadow Side of Nonverbal Cues
• 7:34 Practical Guidance for Men
• 9:20 Closing Reflections, Quote, and CTA

Transcript

Bill Simpson: 0:03

Hi, and welcome to the Men on the Path to Love podcast. The more than words, the power of touch and nonverbal communication and relationship episode. I'm Bill Simpson, your host. I coach men who are done suffering in their relationships, men who want deeper love, real connection, and to finally feel like themselves again. I help them become the best version of themselves for themselves and for their current relationship or the one they're ready to find so they can live the life they love.

Bill Simpson: 0:41

So for me, one of the things I treasure most in my marriage is the simple feel of my wife's touch. Whether we're holding hands on a walk, sitting side by side on the couch, or touching toes underneath the covers at night. Those simple gestures just ground me and make me feel so good. And it's not just touch, it's also the look and slight smile she gives me from across the room when we're at a gathering, or how she looks into my eyes when giving me her appreciations at night before bed. These gestures reassure me. They remind me that I'm not alone and that we're in this together. And sometimes it's those small nonverbal cues that have the greatest impact on love and connection.

Bill Simpson: 1:34

You know, we often think of communication as words, right? But research shows that over sixty-five percent of communication in relationships is nonverbal. Touch, gestures, facial expressions, eye contact, these often speak louder than the words we say. And touch doesn't need to be dramatic to be meaningful. Sometimes it's just the smallest nonverbal cues that have the greatest impact on love and connection. And that's what this episode is all about.

Bill Simpson: 2:09

I'm gonna dive deeper into what research says about touch and nonverbal communication, but first I want to share a story about a couple I'll call Jamie and Claire. Okay? Claire's history with men was complicated. She had always been drawn to, you know, alpha-type bad boy personalities. But one relationship crossed the line in a terrible way. Her partner forced himself on her, leaving her confused, hurt, and despondent. And after that, trusting men, especially physically, became almost impossible.

Bill Simpson: 2:48

Well, years later, one afternoon, Claire was jogging in the park when she rolled her ankle on a rock and fell. Embarrassed, she tried to get up on her own, but a stranger, Jamie, witnessed her fall and offered his hand. And it was something about his touch that struck her immediately. Yeah, his hand was strong, but it was also gentle. And in that moment, she thought, this is a kind and gentle man. And for the first time in years, she felt safe in the presence of a man. Jamie walked with Claire as she tested her ankle and they began talking. By the end of the trail, they stopped at a cafe for coffee, and that was the beginning of something new.

Bill Simpson: 3:39

Over time, Claire shared her story of abuse, and instead of pulling back, Jamie listened with empathy. Then he shared something deeply personal. He too had been sexually abused as a teenager, so he knew firsthand what unhealthy touch felt like. He also shared how years of therapy helped him heal, and how his work as a chiropractor had become a way of transforming touch into something healing for others. Claire's intuition had been right. The safety she felt with Jamie's touch was real. They eventually got married, vowing that their intimacy would always be centered on trust, gentleness, and healthy touch. For them, every touch became a reminder of safety, healing, and love.

Bill Simpson: 4:36

Yeah, and there's research to confirm what Jamie and Claire experienced. A study in the journal Emotion found that touch communicates emotions like love, gratitude, and compassion more effectively than words. Research from the University of North Carolina shows that physical affection between partners lowers cortisol and blood pressure, which translates to healthy touch can regulate stress. According to attachment theory, which I've referenced many times on this podcast, nonverbal affection, like holding hands or hugging, reinforces a sense of safety and belonging. It strengthens bonds. Touch can also reassure us during conflict. You know, something as simple as reaching for your partner's hand during a disagreement can lower defensiveness and can soften the conversation.

Bill Simpson: 5:36

And it's not just touch. Eye contact, body language, tone of voice, and being present can say a lot too. You know, often it's not what we say, but how we say it that matters most, right? Now, of course, not all touch or nonverbal communication is positive, right? And I would be remiss if I didn't share the other side. Gotta keep it real. So unwanted or aggressive touch can re-traumatize someone, can trigger a trauma, you know, someone who's had a history of abuse. And it can come across as controlling or dominance instead of love. And then there's the lack of touch, which can be just as damaging.

Bill Simpson: 6:25

Research shows that couples who stop engaging in physical affection often report lower satisfaction and higher feelings of loneliness. I also think about nonverbal mixed signals, you know, like rolling your eyes or turning away or even being cold with silence, you know. That can hurt more deeply than harsh words. And touch without meaning or real presence can hurt too. You know, think about it, a distracted hug or obligatory kiss can sometimes feel worse than none at all because there's no feeling behind it. And it comes across as distance, not closeness.

Bill Simpson: 7:10

I think it's so important to recognize these negative aspects because it reminds us that touch and nonverbal communication is powerful. It can heal, but it can also hurt if it's not consensual or in alignment with what's important to us, our values. So what does this mean for us men who want to build healthier relationships? Well, it's being intentional with your touch. And don't underestimate the small gestures, you know, a simple hand on her back or brushing against her arm or holding hands, all those things matter. And pay attention to her cues. Nonverbal communication is a two-way streak, okay?

Bill Simpson: 7:55

So notice her body language. Does she lean in or does she pull back? And if she pulls back, respect that. You also want to talk about it. You know, don't assume, just ask. That could look like do you like it when I hold your hand here? Or what feels comforting for you when you're stressed? Because I know women who don't like to be touched when they're stressed. So ask what works best for her. Alright?

Bill Simpson: 8:27

And make sure that you stay present and be authentic. You know, a genuine hug beats a distracted one every time. And another thing is after an argument, see if you can repair it with touch. Sometimes words fall short, right? So try this if she's open to it. Reach for your partner's hand and make eye contact. Let your touch and eyes communicate that you love her even when you don't always agree, or even when you're mad. It just might open up the door to a resolution. But be careful, if you're mad, don't come at her with that touch. No, you want to come at her with a sense of compassion and and gentleness, uh, even if you're mad. And if you can't do it while you're mad, don't do it. All right. All right.

Bill Simpson: 9:20

So the bottom line here is that even though words matter in relationship, touch and nonverbal communication often carry more weight. They can comfort, heal, reassure, and reconnect. And just as Jamie and Claire learned, and just as I've experienced in my own marriage, healthy, loving touch is one of the most powerful ways we say, I love you, I see you, I'm with you, and you're safe with me. So ask yourself, what message am I sending with my touch? Because in relationship, sometimes the strongest words are the ones we never say. It's through our touch, it's through our nonverbal communication.

Bill Simpson: 10:08

And if you'd like some guidance or support around this or any relationship issue, please contact me through my show notes or better yet, my website, men on the path to love.com. I'm here to help. All right, this week's quote comes from the late author Leo Biscaglia, also known as Dr. Love. He says, "Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which has the potential to turn a life around." I can see why they called him Dr. Love.

Bill Simpson: 10:57

And that will do it for this episode of the Men on the Path to Love podcast, the More Than Words, the Power of Touch and Nonverbal Communication in Relationship episode. I'm Bill Simpson, your host. Thank you so much for listening. And if this episode touched you in any way, no pun intended, please share it with a friend or someone you think needs to hear it. Share the link to this podcast and share the love.

Bill Simpson: 11:27

Now, coming up on the next Men on the Path to Love podcast, I've noticed lately in my clinical practice that I'm seeing more and more patients who are in long distance relationships. And let me tell you, they're not without challenges, as you can imagine. Yet for some, it works. In the next episode, I'll share the good, the bad, and the ugly, long distance relationships. Please join me for The Distance Dilemma: Can Long Distance Relationships Really Work?" episode. And thanks again for listening. I really do appreciate it. And until next time, keep your heart open and stay on the path to love.