The Thanksgiving Episode: The Power of Gratitude & Appreciation in Relationship

Gratitude often gets dismissed as corny, but when it comes to relationship, it can be a powerful reset button. In this episode, I dig into what real appreciation looks like—beyond cliche'd quotes—and why it can be a game changer in relationship. I share Davante's story where by adapting a gratitude mindset, he went from complaining about his partner to appreciating her, and transformed his relationship. 

You'll get some practical tools you can start using right away in your relationship to make gratitude the best attitude. Check out The Thanksgiving Episode: The Power of Gratitude & Appreciation in Relationship.

Beyond the Episode (YouTube) 

Chapters

• 0:04 Welcome And Thanksgiving Theme
• 0:44 Defining Real Gratitude
• 2:42 Science Behind Appreciation
• 3:50 Devante’s Story Begins
• 6:15 Trying The Appreciation Ritual
• 8:20 Setbacks, Practice, And Progress
• 10:00 Practical Gratitude Tools
• 12:13 Gratitude As Foundation
• 12:23 Quote Of The Week
• 12:53 Next Episode Teaser

Transcript

Bill Simpson: 0:04

Hi, and welcome to the Men on the Path to Love Podcast, the Thanksgiving episode, The Power of Gratitude and Appreciation in Relationships. I'm your host, Bill Simpson. I coach men who are done suffering in their relationships, men who want deeper love, real connection, and to finally feel like themselves again. I help them become the best version of themselves for themselves and for their current relationship or the one they're ready to find so they can live the life they love.

Bill Simpson: 0:44

Since we're entering Thanksgiving week here in the U.S., I thought it was the perfect time to revisit something I believe with every fiber of my being. The foundation in relationships and life in general, and that's gratitude. And not the corny surface stuff, you know, not the force, oh, just be grateful advice people throw at you. I'm talking about real gratitude, man. The kind that shifts your heart and your nervous system, the kind that softens your defenses, builds connection, strengthens trust, and transforms relationships from the inside out.

Bill Simpson: 1:28

Years ago, early in my personal growth journey, I heard someone say gratitude is the best attitude. And maybe it sounds cliche or corny, but I'm telling you, when I actually began living that way, everything in my life began shifting. My mindset, my relationships, especially my marriage. It helps me to be more resilient with my thoughts and my emotions and all that's going on. And if you've listened to this podcast for any length of time, you've heard me talk about probably ad nauseum, about the appreciation ritual my wife and I have in our marriage. We put it right into our wedding vows. We give each other at least three appreciations every night before we go to bed. Every night, man. Three things, big or small, it doesn't matter. And that ritual has been one of the most powerful tools in our relationship. It keeps us connected, it reminds us not to take each other for granted. And even on the tough days, or especially on the tough days, it helps us to get on track. It brings us back to what's good and true between us.

Bill Simpson: 2:42

And gratitude isn't just a nice idea. Research backs this up. Yeah, one study shows that expressing appreciation strengthens the bond between partners, increases feelings of safety, and boosts relationship satisfaction. The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology published a study showing that couples who express their gratitude on the regular experience more emotional intimacy, higher levels of trust, deeper commitment, fewer conflict escalation, and stronger long-term stability.

Bill Simpson: 3:21

And here's something I found really interesting. The Gottman Institute found that for every complaint you express, you need about five appreciative interactions to maintain stability in the relationship. That's five to one, man. And that's how powerful appreciation is. It keeps us from being defensive, and it reminds us why we chose each other.

Bill Simpson: 3:50

This brings me to the story of Devante, not his real name, came to see me at the clinic where I work. And man, he came in hot. I mean, he sat down right away, he started complaining about his partner. She's always on my back, she's a slob, she spends too much money, she's always on social media, she's an influencer wannabe. And he went on and on and on. And when he finally stopped to take a breath, I asked him, Are you done? And he laughed and was like, Yeah, I mean, I could go on, but yeah, I'm done.

Bill Simpson: 4:29

And at that point, I validated his frustration. I told him I understood, you know, I genuinely did, and I got it. And he picked up on that and he started to relax a little bit. And then I asked him if he still wanted to be with her. And he was like, Yeah, of course, I love her. She just gets on my nerves sometimes. And I was like, all right, fair enough. Then I asked him to tell me some of the good things about her. And he paused and seemed almost surprised by the question. And he started listing stuff like, She's a great cook, she's smart as hell, she's fine as Chinese sandpaper, uh, she has a good job, she's generous, she's thoughtful, and she's amazing in bed.

Bill Simpson: 5:18

And he would have kept going until I interrupted him. And I asked him, I'm like, Man, have have you told her any of this? And he was like, uh, sometimes, but not really. And especially, you know, when she gets on his nerves. And that's when I told him about the gratitude ritual my wife and I do every night. And I asked him if he'd be willing to try it. And he was like, Oh man, you know, it sounds corny, but yeah, I'll give it a try. And then he asked me, so what do I do about this stuff that gets on my nerves? I told him, Look, man, we'll get to that. But right now, we're gonna start with the mindset. You know, no fixing, no analyzing, just shifting his mindset from complaining to appreciating. And I could tell he wasn't too sure about it, but he did agree to try.

Bill Simpson: 6:15

Well, when he came back for his next session, he told me that he did the appreciation thing with his partner. He said she laughed at first, but then she said it was really sweet. He told me, he's like, Bill, I gotta admit, it felt good. It felt really good. And he said that he finally felt appreciated for once. And that was a major breakthrough for him. Then he said something that really didn't surprise me. He said the next morning she did something that pissed him off, and he went right back into his old habits. And I was like, Of course you did, Devante. That's normal. The brain loves what's familiar, even if it's not good for us, even if what's familiar is negativity. And I told him that it takes practice and it takes time.

Bill Simpson: 7:10

Well, over the next several weeks he kept at it. And where before he focused on everything wrong, he nitpicked, he felt resentful, he and his partner argued more, both feeling unseen and unheard. And after his new awareness, Devante became more patient. He saw her strengths again, their conversation softened. She began appreciating him back. He said they laughed more and they felt so connected, and it was like, you know, they're a team again. And, you know, gratitude didn't fix everything. Gratitude's not this magic wand that's going to solve all your problems, but it did shift the energy between them. And that shift made room for improvement in the relationship and how they communicated, how he set boundaries, and asked for what he needed honestly. And that's how relationships transform. One shift at a time. And it's a beautiful thing, man.

Bill Simpson: 8:20

So if you're ready to shift into gratitude, I've got some practical, evidence-based ways to bring more appreciation into your relationship. Alright, so here we go. And I'm gonna start with that appreciation ritual that my wife and I do. Yes. Start that daily or nightly appreciation ritual. One, two, or three things, whatever you can commit to, say it to each other. What do you appreciate about each other? Another thing to do is start to notice, start catching your partner doing something right. Start looking for the good stuff. Because we're almost looking for the bad stuff, and we don't really see the good stuff. So make sure you're catching what she's doing right. And say thank you a lot. You know, say it out loud, say it every time, and understand that no positive gesture is too small.

Bill Simpson: 9:16

Another thing you can do is to write a short appreciation text tour during the day or maybe a note once a week. Um, and shift from what's wrong to what's true and good, like I was saying earlier. Tell your partner one thing you admire about who she is, and not just what she does. And you can also try a gratitude journal. Do it for yourself, you know, what you're grateful for, and do it for your relationship. What are you grateful for in your relationship?

Bill Simpson: 9:49

And I recommend that you practice one, some or all of these simple tips and repeat them over and over again. Because the brain needs repetition to make it a new habit. Reinforcement, man, you got to train that brain to think more positively because we're so quick to go to negativity. Shifting from complaining to appreciating will strengthen the emotional foundation of your relationship. And you can trust me on that.

Bill Simpson: 10:22

All right? All right, uh, my quote of the week comes from relationship expert and researcher John Gottman. I know you hear me talking about him a lot. He does good stuff, and I I love this quote. He says," when you appreciate someone, you give them their value twice. Once in your mind and once in your words." Yeah, man, and and that's reinforcing the positive. And, you know, look, gratitude doesn't take away the challenges in your relationship, like I said, but it does give you the foundation to face your challenges together. It opens your heart, it opens your eyes, it opens the door to connection, and that's what it's all about.

Bill Simpson: 11:11

And if you're struggling to bring this appreciation and gratitude into your relationship, or you want some support in taking the next step toward becoming the man you know you can be, please reach out to me, man, men on the path to love.com. You can schedule your free coaching session right there on my website. And if you know someone who needs to hear this message about gratitude and appreciation, well, I would appreciate it if you would share the link to this podcast and share the love.

Bill Simpson: 11:47

And that will do it for another episode of the Men on the Path to Love podcast, the Thanksgiving episode, The Power of Gratitude and Appreciation in Relationship. I'm Bill Simpson, your host. Thank you for listening. And in this season of Thanksgiving, I hope you give yourself and your partner the gift of appreciation and gratitude.

Bill Simpson: 12:13

Now, coming up on the next episode of the Men on the Path to Love podcast, I was watching this true crime show recently about love cons, you know, these romantic scams where someone online pretends to be in a sincere relationship in order to get the victim to trust them in order to get money from it. And honestly, the stories kind of freak me out, man. I mean, the length people go to, I mean, it was crazy. And it's not just women, oftentimes we think it's the women who get conned, but men get conned too. So it got me to thinking, hmm, I should do an episode on that. Please join me for the "Love Con: Why Men Get Fooled in Love and How to Spot the Truth" episode.

Bill Simpson: 13:01

And remember, until next time, keep your heart open and stay on the path to love.