Work Hard, Love Harder: Balancing Work and Relationship

How are you at balancing work and your relationship? One of the leading causes of breakdowns in relationship is when there is an imbalance. In this episode you'll hear Isaac's story and the impact his work/relationship imbalance had on his marriage. You will also get some helpful tips on how you can establish more work/relationship balance in your life. Check out the Work Hard, Love Harder: Balancing Work and Relationship, episode.

Chapters

• 0:08 Balancing Work and Relationship Priorities
• 14:15 Improving Communication in Relationships

Transcript

Bill Simpson: 0:08

Hi and welcome to the Men on the Path to Love podcast, the work hard, love harder balancing work and relationship episode. I'm Bill Simpson, your host. I coach men who want to stop suffering in relationships and who want a deeper sense of love and connection. I coach them how to do it and how to be the best version of themselves and live the life they love.

Bill Simpson: 0:36

The air date for this podcast is on Labor Day, so I thought I would share the importance of establishing a balance between work and relationship, and this can be an issue for all of us, frankly, and especially for men. You know, we've been traditionally conditioned to be the provider, so a lot of our focus tends to be on work and career right, and unfortunately, relationships often suffer when there's a lack of balance. And I know for me it certainly got in the way of some of my previous relationships and I've come a long way and with me now juggling a full-time clinical practice and private coaching practice, it can be challenging at times to balance it with my relationship. Yet my relationship is my priority and I will always make time to nurture and shine the precious jewel that it is. And the key word there is priority. Prioritize what truly matters to you, commit to it and keep the line of communications open.

Bill Simpson: 1:40

And, as I mentioned, work and relationship balance is a big issue with men right, and I hear it time and time again from the women in my clinical practice saying how much they miss their spouse or partners when they work so much. And some are outright pissed about it. And that was the case with Isaac, not his real name. His wife, isabel not her real name was so pissed and hurt that she threatened to divorce him because of it. You see, isaac was a very successful defense attorney who cared deeply for his clients. He invested a lot of his time building cases to prove their innocence. The only problem was his job left little time for Isabel and their baby daughter, and Isabel always admired Isaac's dedication to his work and his clients. Yet over time she started to feel neglected and alone in raising their daughter.

Bill Simpson: 2:40

Now Isaac's income allowed Isabel and their daughter the very best life had to offer. They had a luxurious home in the suburbs. He hired a nanny to help Isabel with the baby, even though Isabel didn't have to work. They pretty much had the best money could buy. And that was always Isaac's defense. You know saying I work hard so you and the baby can have all these things. And Isabel would be like well, all these things don't mean anything if I can't share it with you.

Bill Simpson: 3:13

Well, that wasn't enough for Isaac. He just kept pushing and pushing to help his clients and make that money. He was spending less and less time at home, while his relationship was drifting more and more apart. Well, it finally came to a head when one day, after Isaac had been up most of the night working on a case, he was running late heading to the courthouse. When he got to a red light and he was in such a rush he got so angry that he was yelling at the top of his lungs. He ended up having a heart attack right there, at the top of his lungs. He ended up having a heart attack right there. And luckily there was a police officer nearby who saw Isaac slumped over in his car and he was able to get Isaac to the hospital right away. And when Isabel got to the hospital, she was in tears and she was outraged. She yelled at Isaac and said you know, if this heart attack isn't enough of a sign to wake you up, then know that if you don't start making our marriage and family a priority, then we're out of here.

Bill Simpson: 4:19

Well, this was an eye-opening experience for Isaac, for sure, and while in the hospital it gave him time to reflect on what was really important in his life, and he knew he didn't want to lose Isabel and realized that without her, all of his success would mean nothing. And it was at the point where Isaac decided to commit to a work-relationship balance. And not only that balancing out time for himself that didn't involve work, also eating better, getting more sleep and self-care in general. And you know it took some time and effort and a lot of bumps along the way to find that balance. Yet it is something that Isaac is committed to, to to this day.

Bill Simpson: 5:11

So, here again, creating a work-relationship balance is so important and, granted, not always easy to achieve. It can be hard, but the research is pretty clear on the importance of maintaining a balance between work and relationship, and it doesn't take a PhD to get that right. Well, it's one of the leading causes of breakdowns in relationship, and when work takes up most of your time and energy, it leaves little time to nurture the emotional and physical needs in a relationship. And this is what Isabel was experiencing with Isaac, and the research says couples who spend consistent quality time together are more likely to be happy and satisfied in their relationship. Duh and you know, when you're so stressed from overworking or burned out, it can negatively impact your mental, emotional and physical health, which can cause tension and conflict in your relationship. Hell, it took Isaac to have a heart attack to wake up.

Bill Simpson: 6:17

Research also says having a healthy work-life or relationship balance can actually reduce stress and improve your mental, emotional and physical health. How about that? And with all that, you'll be able to communicate better, have more patience, feel better and be more emotionally available for your spouse or partner.

Bill Simpson: 6:41

And in thinking about Isaac and Isabel, with Isaac's work imbalance, isabel felt neglected, repeatedly thinking that her needs were secondary to Isaac's work needs, and this led to Isabel's anger and resentment and, underneath all that, feeling hurt. And this is pretty common in a relationship where there's a work-life or relationship imbalance. And I want to say to you, family guys, when you establish a healthy work-life relationship balance, you're setting an example or modeling behavior that teaches your sons and daughters how it works, so they can hopefully carry that work-life relationship balance into their adult years with their relationships and family.

Bill Simpson: 7:28

Now, I want to get into some ways you can establish a better work-relationship balance. But first I want to stress that it's not just men who get out of balance with their work and relationship. You know women do it too, and sometimes both partners or spouses get out of balance at the same time, which can be a big mess. So, with being said and that off my chest, here are some ways you can create a better work relationship balance.

Bill Simpson: 7:58

I'm going to start with getting your priorities in order. Make sure your relationship is a priority and set strong boundaries to protect that priority. When it comes to work, this could be setting specific, designated work hours and avoid doing any work-related things during that time with your spouse or partner or family. You know it's saying a hard no, even when you're tempted to slip into work mode. All right. The next thing is to it, about it ommunicate. You hear me say it all the time. Communicating is crucial. Talk about the demands of your work and how the two of you can collaborate on a solution that works for both of you. Being real about each other's expectations and dealing with it can prevent misunderstandings and those feelings of neglect that can creep in. Make sure you're checking in with each other on a regular basis to get a gauge on how things are going and see how you're feeling in the relationship. You know it's a great opportunity to recognize any issues that may come up and try to nip them in the bud before it becomes, you know, a big issue.

Bill Simpson: 9:16

Something else to try is to schedule quality time with your spouse or partner. This could be regular date nights or simply time spent with each other, you know, maybe watching TV or whatever. Whatever you decide to do during that time, make sure you treat that time on your schedule just as or even more important as a work thing, and as easy as it can be to brush it off for work, don't do it. Keep that time sacred. Another thing is sharing responsibilities at home. Now you're like what? I'm so busy at work, I got to come home and do work. Well, no, share your responsibilities, because this can be a great way to free up time from your spouse or partner, who may need that extra time as well, and this way she feels supported and seen and it gives you both time to connect. And if you're in a position at work where you can delegate some of your responsibilities to others, well, that can help reduce your work stress, which, in turn, is good for you and your relationship.

Bill Simpson: 10:28

And in creating a better work-life relationship balance, it is so important to take care of yourself. Yeah, self-care is a game changer, man, I'm telling you. Regular exercise, getting plenty of sleep and eating healthy can give you more energy and reduce the risk of burning out. And, believe it or not, this will also help with having a more meaningful connection with your spouse or partner, because you're giving yourself that downtime, you know. A more meaningful connection with yourself, right?

Bill Simpson: 11:02

And another thing to think about is how you use technology. You know, don't let checking your emails or your texts interfere with your designated time with your spouse or partner. Set a strong boundary and make it a rule to disconnect from work tech during that time. And one more thing that I'm going to throw in, and that is to take an honest look at yourself To make sure that you're not putting so much of your time and effort into your work in order to avoid your relationship. Hmm, think about that, yeah, and as always, if you're struggling to create a work-life relationship balance, or maybe you are avoiding your relationship with work, please get some help. You know, it can be a real challenge finding that balance or even getting that clarity about your relationship. There's plenty of help out here. I can help you and there are many others who can help as well. So stop letting your relationship suffer and get the help you need. You'll be so glad you did so.

Bill Simpson: 12:11

Again, as I wrap all this stuff up, what it takes to create a balance between work and relationship is to commit to making a conscious effort to prioritize what truly matters and to talk about it, collaborate and make it work. And when you do these things, man, it's a win-win for both your professional success and your relationship satisfaction. I found this quote from Gary Keller of Keller Williams Realty fame. He's got an interesting take on this work-life relationship balance period. He says, quote work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back the other four balls family, health, friends, integrity are made of glass. If you drop one of these, it will be irrevocably scuffed, nicked or perhaps even shattered. Unquote. Yeah, man, remember it's all about the balance, it's not all about work, and all we can do is the best we can. So have some grace for yourself in the process. All right, and that will do it for this episode of the Men on the Path to Love podcast the Work Hard, love Harder, balancing Work and Relationship episode. My name is Bill Simpson. I thank you for listening.

Bill Simpson: 13:42

Coming up on the next episode of the Men on the Path to Love podcast. Do you hate it when your spouse or partner nags? Does your spouse or partner's nagging turn into arguments and disconnect? Want to put a stop to the nagging? Then please join me for the next episode, where you'll hear Jason's story and how he stopped the nagging in his relationship. Check out the Navigating the Nag how to Handle Nagging in Relationship episode. How to Handle Nagging in Relationship episode.

Bill Simpson: 14:15

Now, if you have an idea, topic or issue in your relationship you'd like for me to address on this podcast, please let me know. Just go to my website, menonthepathtolovecom. You can contact me from there. You can also download my free cheat sheet Five Ways to Communicate Better in Relationship. And if you'd like to take it a step further, you can set up a free coaching session on how to communicate better in relationship. It's so important, as I always say, so check it out. It's all at menonthepathtolovecom.

Bill Simpson: 14:49

And in my ongoing effort to spread more love in the world, I ask you to kindly share the link to this podcast and share the love and until next time, keep your heart open and stay on the path to love.