AI vs Real Connection: Can ChatGPT Be Your Relationship Coach?

Can ChatGPT (or your favorite AI) be your relationship coach? That's the question I explore in the episode. Through Charles’ story—I share how he was using ChatGPT as his "therapist" and what he learned. I go over the pro's and con's of what AI can and cannot do. Hopefully, this episode with leave you with a plan of how to integrate both worlds. Check out the AI vs Real Connection: Can ChatGPT Be Your Relationship Coach, episode.

Beyond the Episode (YouTube)

Chapters

• 0:16 Setting The Question: AI Or Coach
• 1:21 How The Host Uses ChatGPT
• 2:14 Why Human Presence Matters
• 2:52 Charles Turns To ChatGPT
• 4:14 Insight Without Action Backfires
• 6:10 Integrating AI With Accountability
• 6:50 The Real Benefits Of AI
• 8:29 Where AI Falls Short
• 10:26 Healing Requires Human Connection
• 11:35 Use AI Well, Choose Humans For Growth
• 12:28 Quote, Bottom Line, And Invitation
• 13:48 Teaser: Gratitude And Appreciation

Transcript

Bill Simpson: 0:16

And welcome to the melon of the cabin. A I'm versus real connection. Can ChatGPT be a relationship coach? I'm Bill Simpson, your host. I coach men who are done suffering in their relationship. Men who want deeper like real connection and to finally feel like themselves again. Help them become the best version of themselves for themselves and for their current relationship or the one they're ready to find so they can live the life they love.

Bill Simpson: 0:56

Now, this is an episode that I've wanted to do for a long time, because it just keeps showing up more and more in my clinical practice, in my coaching sessions, and in everyday life. Asking the question, can ChatGPT be your relationship coach? Well, let's find out.

Bill Simpson: 1:18

I'll start with my own experience. In all transparency, I use AI, specifically ChatGPT, and I use it a lot. I use it to brainstorm ideas, to create structure, to come up with options, to organize information, to streamline the creative work I do for this podcast. I use it for my coaching and my personal life. I mean, it's an incredible tool. I love it. It makes my work more efficient. It helps to spark new ideas and possibilities, and it gives me different ways to think about the topics I come up with.

Bill Simpson: 1:59

But and and this is the part I want to make clear. It's a tool. It supports my work, it doesn't replace my work. And it certainly doesn't replace the human connection at the heart of what I do. You know, it's the eye contact, whether in person or virtual, it's tuning in, it's it's that being present emotionally, it's the accountability and the intuitive ability to feel someone's energy and respond to what's underneath their words. You know, what I realize is AI can sharpen your mind, but when it comes to healing, you know, transformation, becoming the best version of yourself, well, that requires connection, real connection. And that connection is with another human being.

Bill Simpson: 2:52

And this brings me to Charles' story. Charles, not his real name, a patient of mine at the clinic where I work. He had been a regular, you know, about once a week. I'd see him, and we had a really good rapport. And he was doing the work too, making the effort, he was facing his stuff, honestly, he was really gaining momentum and making progress. And then one day he didn't show for an appointment. And he basically stopped coming. I called him, left him a voicemail. I never heard back.

Bill Simpson: 3:29

And months passed and still no Charles. Eventually, though, Charles did schedule another appointment. And when he walked in, I could tell he wasn't doing well emotionally. And I asked him how he had been, and he took a deep breath and said, honestly, Bill, not good. Then he told me what happened. He said after our last session that we had months ago, that he started using ChatGPT as he called it his therapist. At first he said it felt incredible. He said he felt like it knew me. It gave me answers instantly. It explained things clearly. He said he felt supported and he felt heard. He said he got more insight in 10 minutes with ChatGPT than he had in hours of reading self-help books.

Bill Simpson: 4:24

But then things changed. He said after a few months he realized that he was still stuck in all this shit and that he had answers, but he didn't do anything with it. He didn't take action. He said he had insight, but wasn't doing anything with it. He said he wasn't being accountable with what he learned. And he said that's what he was missing from me. And he went on to say, you know, Bill, you call me on my shit. You challenged my stories. You held me accountable. And he said that when part of him resisted, that there was this other part who knew exactly what he needed. Yet with ChatGPT, he felt like he could get away with anything. You know, he really didn't have to do anything. It wasn't going to hold him accountable. He said that he felt empowered by the knowledge, but he didn't have the willingness to follow through. He said, Bill, I didn't realize how much I missed you. ChatGPT was helpful, but it couldn't replace the connection we had. And I was blown away, you know, and it just for him to have this insight. And he said that he was ready to face his truth again and be committed to his personal growth.

Bill Simpson: 5:45

So I acknowledged him, not just for coming back, but for his vulnerability, you know, the strength that it takes to admit what he admitted. And also for the courage it took to look inside himself. You know, he could have just gone on with ChatGPT and not been held accountable and all that, but no, he looked inside himself and he made the commitment to start again.

Bill Simpson: 6:10

And, you know, after he said all this, I told him, look, Charles, don't stop using ChatGPT. Just keep using it as a tool. Bring me what you've learned and let's process it together. Let me be your accountability partner and guide. Let AI support you, but let human connection transform you. And when Charles heard that, it was like a turning point for him, an awakening, if you will. And it's a powerful example of how we can integrate technology into our lives in a healthy and grounded way.

Bill Simpson: 6:50

Let's take a look at using AI as a relationship coach or any kind of coach or therapist for that matter. And I'm going to start with the good because AI, like I said, does offer some real benefits. Number one, the first thing is it doesn't judge you. Right? You have total privacy and you can ask anything you want without shame. It's available for you 24-7. So if it's in the middle of the night and you're struggling, having a rough moment, and you need some clarity, it's there for you. And ChatGPT won't miss your call.

Bill Simpson: 7:31

It can also help you organize your complex emotions, make some sense out of them. And maybe turning a chaotic situation into clarity, like I said. That's something that AI does really well. It can also actually teach you communication skills. Yeah, you can practice setting boundaries, learn how to repair after an argument, and you can even learn about how to express your emotions.

Bill Simpson: 7:59

And with its vast resources, you know, it pulls from research libraries from all over the world. It explains psychology, you know, the science behind relationships, attachment theory, and all that stuff. It does it in seconds. So for insight, AI is great. For private personal reflection, great. For practicing what language or words to use, great. But having that insight is only the first step. And it's a great step to take, yet if you really want to transform and heal, you gotta go further.

Bill Simpson: 8:38

And here's where I feel that AI falls short in ways that really matter. Alright? So think about it. AI cannot feel you, right? Yeah. Empathy is not a script. You know, it's a it's like a nervous system to nervous system connection. And you just can't do that with a machine. Um and AI cannot call you out on your shit. You know, it cannot challenge your blind spots or push you into taking action.

Bill Simpson: 9:10

It can't hold you accountable. You know, there's no follow-through, no, did you actually do this? There's no, are you avoiding what you're supposed to do? That kind of thing. And you gotta be careful because it creates the illusion of progress. You know, just talking about it or writing out your patterns or issues isn't the same as changing them.

Bill Simpson: 9:34

And AI can't form that real life secure bond. And that's what healing requires for you to feel safe, to feel attuned, and experience resolving conflict. ChatGPT can't create that. That's like the the soul level stuff that AI can't do. And one other thing that AI can't do is see the part of you that's not talking or writing. Right? They can't see the tears in your eyes, they can't hear the sigh or or see that clinched jaw or the story you're not telling or avoiding. You know, AI hears your words, not necessarily your truth. Think about that. Be honest with yourself, okay? Yeah.

Bill Simpson: 10:20

And what I'm talking about here is the lack of human connection. Why is that so important, you may ask? Well, man, in every healing modality I've ever been involved with and beyond, healing happens in relationship. It's building a relationship. And polyvagal theory that I've talked about, it tells our nervous system to calm down through connection, that human connection. Um attachment theory tells us that we grow through secure bonds. Um the Gottman Institute that I reference a lot says that emotional attunement is the number one predictor of relationship success. Yeah. And even somatic therapy through awareness and movement shows us that trauma resolves in co-regulation. In other words, working with another person, not isolating.

Bill Simpson: 11:18

Again, AI can support your mind, but only humans can support your heart. Right. So let me just run through real quick the the ways that you can use AI the right way in a in a healthy way. And that's to reflect, to journal, to brainstorm, to practice communication, explore the language of emotions, get insight, provide structure, and so on. You want to use humans to hold you accountable, to challenge you, to challenge your blind spots, to help you build emotional skills, to offer attunement and their intuitiveness, to model a healthy connection, to walk with you through the pain and discomfort, and to help you make real change.

Bill Simpson: 12:10

ChatGPT is your tool, a coach, therapist, mentor, whoever, that's your relationship. And healing happens in relationship. So my quote of the week sums this up nicely. It's from the Dalai Lama, and it's short and sweet. He simply says, quote, No machine can replace the warmth of a human heart, unquote. Yeah, man, you got that right. That's the bottom line. So again, can Chat GPT be your relationship coach? Well, after hearing this episode, think about it and decide for yourself. But don't kid yourself. Remember, it can support your growth, but it cannot lead your growth. You hear me? Use AI as support, use connection as your foundation.

Bill Simpson: 13:09

And if you're in need of that human connection in your growth journey, please reach out, man. I'm here to help you in any way that I can. You can reach me through my website, menonthepatholove.com. You can sign up for a free coaching session with me right there on my website. And sometimes that's all it takes. Just a little clarity. And if you know someone who needs to hear this episode, then please share the link to this podcast and share the love.

Bill Simpson: 13:43

And that's a wrap for this episode of the Man on the Path to Love Podcast, the AI versus Real Connection. Can ChatGPT be your relationship coach episode? I'm your host, Bill Simpson. Thank you so much for listening. You could have been doing a hundred other things and you took the time to listen, and I do appreciate it.

Bill Simpson: 14:08

And speaking of appreciation, since we're heading into Thanksgiving next week here in the US, I thought it would be a good idea to revisit the importance of giving thanks and appreciation in relationship. Why gratitude is the best attitude in relationship and in life, period. Please join me for the Thanksgiving episode. The power of gratitude and appreciation in relationship episode. And remember, until next time, keep your heart open and stay on the path to love.